A Smile in the Dark

Notes: I love this movie so much, although it breaks my heart every time.

It started on leave. After getting drunk in a shabby little bar in some nameless small town, they had somehow managed to get separated from the rest of the unit on the way back to the cheap hotel that the soldiers had more or less taken over for the weekend.

Jagger was in even worse shape than Yossi, clinging on to his friend and commanding officer for dear life in order not to end up face down in the muddy street. Yossi was none too sober either, which was his excuse for what happened when Jagger suddenly stopped in a dark alley, leaning against him even heavier, so that Yossi ended up with his back against a wall, trying to hold them both upright.

Jagger's breath was hot on Yossi's face, smelling of beer and chips, but his eyes were surprisingly clear as he whispered, careful not to stumble over the words: "Shit, you're hot, Yossi. Want you so bad, so bad..."

Afterwards, Yossi blamed it on the alcohol, but right at that moment all he could think was that he might die if he didn't kiss Jagger. He heard his own voice, raw and heavy with drink and desire, saying "Lior...", and that was new. Until then Yossi had been careful to only call his second-in-command by his nickname. The desire, on the other hand, was not new - Yossi had been jacking off to images of his beautiful friend for months now. But the reality of it, the reality of pressing his lips against Jagger's, of feeling him respond without the slightest hesitation, was more than Yossi had ever been able to imagine.

Jagger came alive under his kiss, parting his lips urgently, his hands on Yossi's shoulders, pushing him against the wall, their bodies pressing against each other in all the right places. As their tongues danced, teasing and tasting, Yossi let his hands wander down Jagger's back, slip into the back of his pants, pulling Jagger ever closer. Jagger groaned into their kiss and Yossi could feel their erections rub against each other through what were definitely too many layers of cloth. They were humping each other almost frantically, both hungry for more but unwilling to stop kissing for long enough to make it happen.

It was Jagger who finally pulled away, although only a fraction, because Yossi was still holding him tightly and unwilling to let go, afraid of what would happen if they paused long enough to start thinking more clearly. He shouldn't have worried, because Jagger's long fingers were under Yossi's shirt now, Jagger's eyes were hungry and his voice low and desperate: "Please, fuck me, just fuck me, Yossi... need it, need you."

He rocked up against Yossi, pushing his thigh between Yossi's legs, one hand playing with Yossi's nipple, the other sliding around to his back, as if Yossi needed any more convincing. Yossi dropped his head back against the bricks, the dull pain an exquisite counterpoint as he tried to break through the lust-induced haze in his brain for long enough to think about practicalities. Jagger seemed worried that Yossi was having second thoughts and leaned forward, licking Yossi's neck, his hand sliding downward towards the fly of Yossi's pants. "Please, please..."

"Lior... Yes, fuck, yes!" Words were difficult when all his blood was rushing downwards, but it appeared to be enough to appease some of Jagger's desperation and Yossi managed to pry him loose, although a part of him really, really did not want to let go either. So he compromised and kissed Jagger's ohso tempting lips again, more softly this time, his hands in Jagger's hair, as usual a bit too long for active duty, but Yossi very much didn't mind right at this moment. He could feel Jagger's arms wrap around his middle, and he knew if they didn't stop now, he would end up fucking Jagger on the spot, in a dirty alley where at any moment someone could stumble across them.

So Yossi broke the kiss, albeit reluctantly, and simply held Jagger in his arms for a moment, closing his eyes and imagining, just for a minute, that this was all that mattered, the two of them. Then he sighed softly and came back to reality - a reality that didn't seem too bad, not with the prospect of having Jagger in his bed in the near future.

"Lior..." He could hear a softness in his voice and the smile on Jagger's face told him that the other man could hear it, too. Yossi thought that he'd never tire of saying Jagger's name if only Jagger would keep smiling at him like that. "Lior... Let's go back to the hotel. My room's on a different floor, no one will hear. And tomorrow, you just tell Psycho that you found yourself a girl for the night."

Jagger's smile dimmed, and Yossi almost wished he could take back the last part. Instead he kissed Jagger again, trying to lay all his hunger and pent-up desire into the kiss. Soon he could feel Jagger relax against him, their bodies fitting together in a way that was becoming familiar and irresistible much too fast and Yossi almost lost sight of the plan again.

This time it was Jagger who pulled away and laughed in sheer delight, although a bit breathlessly: "C'mon, sir, let's get ourselves to bed. I want you in me when you come."

At this point Yossi had to close his eyes for a long moment before he had himself sufficiently under control again. Jagger seemed to find an obscene amount of pleasure in what his words did to Yossi, and, looking at the carefree joy on his face, Yossi couldn't help but laugh with him. Then Jagger's grin grew even wider, and he darted away, taunting Yossi with "Catch me, if you can!" until Yossi gave chase and they ran through the deserted night streets like a pair of overgrown boys.

Yossi stopped laughing quite abruptly once they were in the hotel, but Jagger didn't seem to care. Luckily no one saw them, and Yossi forgot all about the twinge of annoyance when Jagger pounced him as soon as the door was locked. Yossi found himself stripped of his shirt, then Jagger stepped back and tore off his own sweater in one fluid motion, motioning for Yossi to take care of his own boots and pants while he did the same. Then they were both naked, and Yossi almost couldn't breathe for a moment as he took in the man standing in front of him with casual grace. Yossi fumbled until he found the lightswitch and turned on the small bedside lamp.

"I just... I want to see you," he explained softly, seeing the question in Jagger's eyes. It seemed to be the right answer, because one second later Yossi found himself being grabbed and pulled onto the bed.

At this point he stopped thinking altogether, focusing on sensation instead - Jagger's hands mapping Yossi's body, Jagger's skin under Yossi's mouth, the salty taste of precum, the sounds of their bodies meeting, moving, Jagger's eyes as Yossi produced a bottle of lotion. The sight of Jagger's back, his head thrown back as Yossi tried to be patient and prepare him well, the noises Jagger made when Yossi hit just the right spot, the smell of his come in the air between them as he bucked and swore. And finally, the sensation of being inside Jagger, so much better than anything Yossi had ever hoped or dreamed. At this moment, it was all worth it, even if it only lasted a minute or so, alcohol and excitement taking their toll.

Afterwards, Jagger rolled them both over and kissed Yossi, deep and gentle, before curling himself around Yossi's body and going to sleep instantly. That was when Yossi knew that he had no choice. He closed his eyes and could see it all clearly, the two of them, hidden fumblings in dark bunks, hungry kisses behind hastily closed doors, separate hotel rooms next to each other. He opened his eyes again and looked at the man in his arms. Then he reached over and turned off the light. As he settled back down Jagger smiled in his sleep, and Yossi tightened his embrace.

Looking back, Yossi was all-too-painfully aware of how easily it all could have been avoided. Still, remembering the brilliance of Jagger's smile in the darkness, he could not bring himself to regret a single moment.