My Life, by Bronx Mowgli Simpson Wentz, Aged Five-and-Three-Quarters

Yeah, so the reason for this should be obvious. And I do feel guilty for splitting Pete and Ashlee up in this one, I really do, but hey, it's fiction, right? Other than that this is shameless fluff, sweet as cotton candy. 🙂
Warnings: RPF. Future!fic. Kid!fic. Divorce.
Author's Note: Happy birthday, little Wentzling - I thought it best to introduce you to the crazy that is us slash girls right away... You can blame this at least partly on your uncle Andy's enthusiasm about your birth. 🙂 And seriously, I think Pete and Ashlee are amazing together, I love their faces a whole lot - I just couldn't resist the mental image of Patrick as a dad.
Summary: Bronx Mowgli Simpson Wentz has the coolest uncles ever.

Bronx Mowgli Simpson Wentz has the coolest uncles ever. He decided that very early on, and it's served him well. What does it matter if people make stupid comments, photographers jam their cameras into his face or kids giggle at his name - he gets to go home and chances are one or more of his uncles will be there, providing all the entertainment a five-year-old could wish for.

Uncle Joe shows him the best spins, uncle Andy never says no to a request for jiujitsu lessons, and uncle Patrick will always let him listen to whatever piece of music he's working on, sometimes even letting him play around with it. None of them ever get impatient with his endless questions, none of them ever tire of his bouncing around like an energizer bunny on speed. That's what his dad calls him sometimes, causing much eyerolling from anyone in the vicinity, although Bronx doesn't quite understand why.

He also has other uncles, many more than any other kid in preschool, and each one is awesome in his own way. Presents, games, stories, songs... Bronx loves it all. When he goes back to his mom's after a week with his dad, he normally can't stop talking about the fort he built with uncle Travie, the Disney songs he sang with uncle Brendon and uncle Jon and all the money everyone had to put into his travel jar for saying rude words. Sometimes his mom seems a little sad as she listens, but when he asks, earnestly, if everything is alright, she smiles at him, her real smile, not the one she puts on for the cameras. "I always knew your father would be the best dad ever, honey," she says and hugs him tightly, and Bronx hugs her back just as hard.

He loves his mom, and not just because she makes the best goofy faces and always smells nice - something his dad and most of his uncles often don't - but because she always knows what to say to let him know that everything is alright. He hardly remembers his parents splitting up, but he does remember that he never doubted his mom's promise that she still loved his dad, and he still loved her, but not anymore like husband and wife should: "He's more like my best friend now, baby - and it's awesome to have a kid with your best friend, but you shouldn't live together anymore."

Bronx figures that it would have been kind of unfair if his mom had to sleep in one of the smaller bedrooms, just because she was by herself while his dad shared with uncle Patrick most nights. And now she's got a new boyfriend of her own anyway, so having two places seems only right, that way everyone had a big bedroom. And because mommy's house and daddy's house were only ten minutes apart Bronx got two fully decked out rooms of his own and didn't even have to switch schools all the time, not like several of his classmates.

Some of them tell horrible stories about new stepmoms and stepdads, and it makes Bronx happy to go home to daddy and uncle Patrick, who never ignore him and never seem to want him to go away and leave them alone. On the contrary, uncle Patrick is the best one to cuddle with, and he always smiles at Bronx real big and tickles him until Bronx is breathless with laughter. Daddy sometimes makes a very funny face at that and pouts: "You know, I used to be the only one you smiled at like that, Patrick!"

"Well, it's your own fault for having the most adorable kid in the world - like you, just with Ashlee's more sunny disposition," uncle Patrick laughs, and Bronx doesn't understand all of the words, but he does understand that uncle Patrick loves him a whole lot. Just like his dad, who will join in the snuggle pile with his famous ninja cry, squishing both Bronx and Patrick, who instantly fight back, until they're all three lying all tangled up together, laughing and panting.

When one of Bronx' visiting uncles wanders in at that point they normally just ignore them. Uncle Joe sometimes cries something like "Oi, you two, not in front of the kid!" and daddy, who usually has his head buried in the crook of uncle Patrick's neck, will make a rude noise that Bronx is not supposed to hear and holds both of them even tighter. Uncle Andy will dive right in, plucking Bronx out of whoever's arms he is currently in, ignoring Bronx' kicking and protesting. It's not as if he really means it anyway, because while he loves snuggling with his dad and uncle Patrick, they do get kind of clingy sometimes. He figures they can just cling to each other while he goes and plays with his crazy uncles.

Yes, Bronx knows for a fact that he has the craziest, coolest uncles in the world - his mommy told him so.