{"id":1869,"date":"2018-02-23T22:29:04","date_gmt":"2018-02-23T20:29:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/?p=1869"},"modified":"2018-02-23T22:29:04","modified_gmt":"2018-02-23T20:29:04","slug":"gently-i-traded-my-heart-for-yours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/gently-i-traded-my-heart-for-yours\/","title":{"rendered":"gently i traded my heart for yours"},"content":{"rendered":"
This entry is in the series Shadowhunter AUs<\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div>

Author's Note<\/strong>: Title from this gorgeous poem<\/a> by Abby S.<\/p>\n

because loving you was never a choice<\/em>
\nit just happened<\/em>
\nbut kissing you, that\u2019s the best choice<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Jace didn\u2019t know what kind of reaction his father had expected when he revealed his true identity. Had he really thought Jace would just accept that Michael Wayland had been dead for years, that the man who\u2019d raised Jace was in fact none other than Valentine Morgenstern? <\/p>\n

Even growing up isolated from the wider Shadowhunter society Jace had heard of the Circle, the Uprising and Valentine\u2019s anti-Downworlder agenda. At least he now knew why his father had had avoided outright condemning the Circle while constantly stressing the natural superiority of Nephilim and the importance of their role in keeping the Shadow world safe. But if Valentine Morgenstern had hoped that his son would share his views after being lied to all his life - well, Jace had surely proved him wrong. <\/p>\n

At first, after \u201cMichael Wayland\u201d had deactivated the glamor he\u2019d been wearing for 20 years, Jace had stared into the unfamiliar face, frozen in shock. His father, even more arrogant in his natural shape, had taken this as acquiescence to his plans of reactivating the Circle, but the next night Jace had packed one single bag and disappeared.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t quite sure why he\u2019d made his way to New York. However, it was a good place to disappear in until he figured out what he wanted to do, so Jace didn\u2019t question the pull he\u2019d felt too much. He trusted his instincts, and his instincts told him that this was where he should be. The city made it easy to hide from Valentine - there was an Institute in Brooklyn, so when Jace killed demons he came across, his father wouldn\u2019t be able to trace it back to him. <\/p>\n

This was important, because Jace wasn\u2019t ready to make himself known to the Clave and face their reactions to the sudden appearance of Valentine Morgenstern\u2019s son, but he also didn\u2019t want to stop doing his duty. He might have rejected his father, that didn\u2019t mean he had rejected everything he\u2019d learned. He was still a Shadowhunter.<\/p>\n

In familiarizing himself with the local Downworld, Jace had discovered Pandemonium<\/em>, a club owned by the High Warlock of Brooklyn. A bit of covert surveillance showed that Magnus Bane appeared to strictly uphold the Accords on the premises, making it possible for a mixed crowd of mundanes and Downworlders to mingle and have fun, the former having no idea of the latter\u2019s existence. <\/p>\n

Jace, who hadn\u2019t had a lot of exposure to the mundane world previous to his flight, couldn\u2019t help but scoff at the level of cluelessness this showed. Still, Pandemonium<\/em> seemed to be a good place to let off some steam while gathering further intelligence on the local state of affairs. So he glamored himself to pass as mundie and joined the Saturday night crowd.<\/p>\n

Inside, the music was pumping and everyone appeared to enjoy themselves. For Jace it was easy to spot the Downworlders - mostly seelies and warlocks, but also a few vampires and werewolves, although Jace had already discovered that the different species mostly frequented their own establishments. <\/p>\n

Moving through the crowd to the bar, he flagged down a bartender and ordered a beer. Valentine had drilled discipline into him, yet now that he was independent, Jace yearned to broaden his experiences. He would have liked something stronger but wanted to keep a clear head during this first visit. Once he\u2019d ascertained that there was no danger, then he could maybe relax his guard a little. <\/p>\n

Leaning against the bar, he surveilled the club, finding Magnus Bane, who throned in the VIP section, attended to by various persons of different genders and species. It wouldn\u2019t do to attract the warlock\u2019s attention, so Jace casually redirected his gaze - only to freeze when his eyes slid over tall, dark-haired stranger, dressed all in black. <\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t sure what had captured his attention, except that the guy, who seemed to be around Jace\u2019s age, maybe a couple of years older, was drop-dead gorgeous. He was also a mundie, and as such shouldn\u2019t be of any interest to Jace. Still, Jace couldn\u2019t bring himself to look away, unable to ignore the feeling in his gut that told him that there was something special<\/em> about the mundane.<\/p>\n

He was hovering at the edge of the dance floor, looking around with a sneer that should come across as arrogant but hid a deep-seated uncertainty. How Jace knew this, he had no clue and didn\u2019t much care, heat beginning to pool low in his stomach. His sexual experience was limited, his father not one in favor of \u201cdistractions\u201d of any kind, but he was pretty sure that such a strong reaction would have been unusual even had Jace had dozens of partners.<\/p>\n

It was the first time that he was attracted to a man, which was another fact he stored away for later analysis, because right then tall-dark-and-hot looked in his direction. They were too far apart for Jace to make out any details without activating his farsighted rune, yet somehow he knew without a doubt that the stranger was staring at him with the same disconcerting hunger Jace felt. <\/p>\n

Not stopping to think, Jace began to make his way across the dancefloor, not once looking away from his target. The other man didn\u2019t move from his spot, but neither did he break eye-contact, a flush working its way into his cheeks. The pull Jace had been feeling from the moment he\u2019d first seen him, became stronger the closer he got, and by the time he reached him, his skin felt as if it was buzzing. <\/p>\n

Coming to a stop, he was right in the other man\u2019s space, close enough to feel the heat radiating from him, too close for most people\u2019s comfort. However, there was no such thing as too close, and neither one of them moved away. Hazel eyes were locked on Jace\u2019s with an almost defiant stare, flicking down when Jace licked his lips.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi,\u201d Jace said hoarsely. \u201cI\u2019m Jace.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA\u2026 Alec,\u201d was the response, the voice dropping an octave, sending a tingle down Jace\u2019s spine. They still weren\u2019t touching, and suddenly that seemed unacceptable. Without thinking, Jace lifted his hands and slid his palms across Alec\u2019s chest. He felt him stiffen under his touch, but once again he didn\u2019t move away, maybe even leaned into it a little, asking in a near-whisper, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly?\u201d Jace cleared his throat. \u201cI have no idea. Tell me if I\u2019m out of line, Alec<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d Alec shook his head, a determined set to his jaw, and Jace bit back a groan when he felt strong arms come up and pull him even closer. \u201cJace\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

And then they were kissing. Jace had to tilt his head upwards, which felt strange for a split second, before it became the most natural thing in the world. Every synapse in his head was firing, sparks of pleasure racing through him as he pushed his body against what felt like a wall of solid muscle. Alec was as in shape as Jace himself, and Jace had to fight the urge to climb his tall frame. <\/p>\n

He settled on grinding against Alec\u2019s strong thigh, and Alec groaned into his mouth, deepening the kiss until it took on an edge of desperation. It was intoxicating, as was the unmistakable line of Alec\u2019s hardening cock that he could feel even through their clothes. He was just as hard himself, and when they had to break away to catch their breath, he lifted himself to his tiptoes and whispered into Alec\u2019s ear, \u201cLet\u2019s get out of here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, please<\/em>.\u201d A wry smile transformed Alec\u2019s features, making Jace\u2019s fingers twitch with the urge to trace it. Instead he carded his fingers through silky dark hair and leaned in for another kiss. As before the world disappeared in the aggressive meeting of lips and tongues, and a small voice in the back of Jace\u2019s mind chastised him for ignoring his surroundings. It sounded like his father, and he suppressed it easily, the feeling of Alec\u2019s hands traveling down his back overwhelming any qualms.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen let\u2019s go. No reason to give everyone a floor show.\u201d Tearing himself away, he gave Alec a cocky grin and offered him his hand. Alec\u2019s fingers were long and as strong as the rest of him, and Jace could feel unfamiliar callouses but also the same bone-deep sense of rightness<\/em>, as if a part of him recognized something in Alec. His very blood seemed to call out to him, and from the slightly puzzled look in Alec\u2019s eyes as he looked down at their clasped hands Jace wondered whether he felt it, too. <\/p>\n

Which was ridiculous, because Alec was a mundane and had shown no sign of even having the Sight. Therefore Jace dismissed the thought and focused on winding his way out of the club, Alec\u2019s hand secure in his. They didn\u2019t let go of each other even after stepping outside into the cold night air. For the first time, however, awkwardness settled over them, Alec avoiding Jace\u2019s eyes, teeth digging nervously into his lower lip. It was endearing, actually, and with a wry laugh Jace asked, \u201cSo. Come here often?\u201d<\/p>\n

Startled eyes flicked back to his, a small chuckle escaping Alec. \u201cNot really. I just\u2026 wanted to see what it\u2019s like. You?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNew in town.\u201d Jace shrugged, distractedly trying to decide where they could go. He was squatting in an abandoned building, which suited him well enough but wasn\u2019t exactly somewhere he wanted to take Alec. \u201cSay, you don\u2019t by any chance live nearby?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cN\u2026 no.\u201d Alec\u2019s response was obviously a lie, and Jace narrowed his eyes at him. Flushing guiltily, Alec amended, \u201cActually, I\u2019m not\u2026 they don\u2019t know about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked so conflicted, Jace\u2019s heart went out to him, and he tightened his grip on Alec\u2019s hand, using it to pull him closer. Cupping his cheek with his free hand, he said softly, \u201cHey, it\u2019s fine.\u201d <\/p>\n

A grateful smile lit up Alec\u2019s face, and he pressed a gentle kiss to Jace\u2019s lips. At least it was supposed to be gentle, but the moment their lips touched, the simmering heat that had never quite dissipated burst into open flame again. Groaning, Alec deepened the kiss, and Jace wrapped his arms around Alec\u2019s neck and responded in kind. He\u2019d never been kissed like this, with such single-minded determination, so much coiled strength just waiting to be unleashed, and it was entirely intoxicating.<\/p>\n

Glancing around them, Jace spotted the entrance to a dark alley behind the club and extricated himself from Alec\u2019s embrace with one more lingering kiss. Immediately picking up on Jace\u2019s train of thought, Alec smirked and nodded before grabbing Jace\u2019s hand and pulling him into the shadows. <\/p>\n

The moment they were out of sight, Alec was back on him, hot mouth against Jace\u2019s neck, nimble hands working their way under his shirt, and Jace groaned as he hit a wall. Stopping his onslaught, Alec shot him a worried glance, which Jace quelled with a decisive shake of his head and a breathless \u201cDon\u2019t stop!\u201d<\/p>\n

For emphasis he slung a leg around Alec, hitching him closer, close enough for their erections to rub against each other, making them both gasp. All hesitation gone, Alec slid his hands under Jace\u2019s ass, actually lifting<\/em> him up, swallowing Jace\u2019s delighted laugh with another heated kiss. <\/p>\n

They rocked against each other, the friction almost driving Jace out of mind, and he grabbed Alec\u2019s shirt and pulled at it, wanting, needing<\/em> to get his hands on naked skin. In order to do so, Alec had to put him back down, and Jace unbuttoned his shirt and slid his hands over hot skin, watching Alec\u2019s abs ripple under his touch. <\/p>\n

\u201cFuck, you\u2019re hot!\u201d he exhaled, biting his lip. He wished they were somewhere where he could explore Alec properly, not in an alley much too public and dirty to even think of undressing. He desperately needed more, however, couldn\u2019t possibly wait for a better time or place, so he lifted himself onto his tiptoes, fusing their mouths back together. Then he maneuvered them around in one decisive movement, hearing Alec\u2019s back hit the wall with a dull thud, but neither one of them paused. Alec\u2019s hands were worming their way under his t-shirt, every touch feeling like a brand, and Jace shivered, almost losing sight of his intentions. <\/p>\n

With one last kiss he tore himself away. Alec\u2019s sound of protest turned into a moan when Jace dropped to his knees and unzipped his jeans. Glancing up through his lashes, Jace gave him a cheeky grin before redirecting his attention to the cock he\u2019d just freed. It was curving upwards in a hard line, drops of pearly fluid gathering at the uncut tip and, after taking a steadying breath to calm the nervous arousal coiling tightly in his stomach, Jace wrapped his lips around it.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d never done this before, but he figured it couldn\u2019t be all that difficult as long as he kept his teeth covered. From the noises Alec kept making and the feeling of his fingers holding tightly onto Jace\u2019s head, it seemed he was doing alright, and when he looked back up, his breath caught at the fire in Alec\u2019s eyes, which were locked onto him. Moaning around the weight in his mouth, Jace reached down with the hand not wrapped around the base of Alec\u2019s cock to free his own straining erection.<\/p>\n

It was a clumsy handjob, focused as he was on sucking off Alec as best he could, but Jace could feel himself hurtling towards his climax nevertheless, completely caught up in the intoxicating feeling of making Alec lose control. The pull on his hair was bordering on painful, but Jace relished it, making encouraging sounds when Alec pulled back with a breathless apology.<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck, Jace<\/em>, I\u2019m...\u201d Alec warned, meeting Jace\u2019s eyes with a red face, his hair mussed, pupils blown, and Jace had never seen anything so beautiful. He nodded, breathed in and took Alec in as deeply as he could, and with a hoarse shout Alec emptied himself down his throat. <\/p>\n

Jace coughed and had to pull off, exhilaration cursing through him, like an echo of Alec\u2019s orgasm, pulsing through his body and pushing him over the edge as well. The world whited out, and he was barely aware of his head falling forward against Alec\u2019s stomach, his fingers digging into thighs that were quivering with the effort to keep standing. <\/p>\n

\u201cAngel\u2026\u201d he whispered when he regained his faculties, becoming aware of Alec\u2019s fingers carding gently through his hair. When he looked up, Alec\u2019s face shone with the same mix of awe and astonishment. Clearing his throat, Jace added more loudly, \u201cThat was\u2026 something else.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec nodded mutely, visibly shaken, and helped Jace to his feet. They stood staring into each other\u2019s eyes for a long moment, before he gathered himself enough to ask, \u201cSo it\u2019s not always like this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGod, no!\u201d A startled laugh escaped Jace, and Alec\u2019s lips quirked in a rueful grin that Jace simply had to kiss. Remembering what he\u2019d just swallowed, he blushed and pulled away quickly, apologizing awkwardly, \u201cSorry, didn\u2019t mean to...\u201d<\/p>\n

The next moment he was grabbed and kissed, deeply and thoroughly, and after a second\u2019s surprised flailing he slung his arms around Alec\u2019s neck and let himself melt into his embrace. When they came up for air, they remained wrapped around each other, and Jace could feel Alec\u2019s laughter rumbling through his chest. \u201cI should be the one to apologize - after all, you did all the work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not complaining.\u201d Jace was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. \u201cNext time you can do me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Realizing how that sounded, he flushed but held Alec\u2019s gaze in a challenging stare that was met head on, Alec\u2019s voice only breaking a little when he replied, \u201cNext time, huh? I\u2019d like that.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe we\u2019ll even manage to get naked,\u201d Jace teased, feeling as if Alec\u2019s arms were the only thing stopping him from floating away. The emotion was so strong, it should have scared him, but just like everything else that night, he couldn\u2019t bring himself to believe that something that felt so good, so right<\/em> could be a threat. Still, he breathed in deeply and said soberly, \u201cAlec, this is going to sound weird but\u2026 do you know anything about the Shadow world?\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec\u2019s sharp intake of breath and the widening of his eyes were all the answer Jace needed, even before Alec took a step back, suddenly on the alert. The way he stood, legs slightly apart, hands hovering by his side, ready to spring into action, told Jace even more, because it was like looking into a mirror. <\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2026 who are<\/em> you?\u201d Alec asked wearily, and Jace almost wished he\u2019d been wrong and they could go back to a minute ago. But he hadn\u2019t been raised to stick his head in the sand, and he could feel with every fibre of his being that this was important. \u201cI should have known that you\u2019re not a mundane.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m not,\u201d Jace replied apologetically, and, keeping his hands in full view, he took out his stele and unglamored himself. \u201cBut then, neither are you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec blushed and shook his head, taking out his own stele. The unmistakable patterns of runes appeared, starkly black against his skin, and Jace wondered how he could ever have mistaken him for anything but what he was - a warrior, a Shadowhunter. Which meant\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re parabatai, aren\u2019t we? That\u2019s why I was called to New York, that\u2019s why all of this<\/em> happened.\u201d Jace was almost talking to himself, but Alec\u2019s eyes widened as realization set in.<\/p>\n

He approached Jace cautiously, and Jace had to stop himself from flinching away. He made a conscious effort to relax his guard, and when Alec\u2019s palm came to rest over his heart, warmth spread through him from the point of contact. Alec could feel it, too, he could tell, even before he said in an awed tone of voice, \u201cParabatai<\/em>... I always thought I was imagining it, that everyone walked around feeling as if they\u2019re incomplete.\u201d<\/p>\n

Repeating Alec\u2019s gesture, Jace could feel his heartbeat, a perfect mirror of his own, and it was like discovering a new country and coming home all at once. Blinking back sudden tears, he stated firmly, \u201cNot anymore, though.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not anymore,\u201d Alec repeated, and then they were kissing again, at first a tentative brushing of lips that turned into a kiss as slow and sweet as molasses. When they separated, they were both smiling again, full of wonder, their hands still trapped between their bodies, their souls singing in recognition. Then Alec gathered himself, although Jace could still see the warmth dancing behind his eyes, even as he said reluctantly, \u201cIf we want to make our soulbond official, we\u2019ll need to go to the Institute.\u201d He hesitated and added, \u201cMy parents are Heads there. Maryse and Robert Lightwood.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo you\u2019re Alec Lightwood?\u201d Jace smiled a little, despite the feeling of foreboding in his stomach. \u201cI like it, it suits you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec\u2019s smile was similarly weak. \u201cAlexander Gideon Lightwood, to be exact. And you are?\u201d Obviously recognizing Jace\u2019s reluctance, he squeezed his hand. \u201cJace, wherever you\u2019re from, whatever you\u2019ve been through, I\u2019m with you. Don\u2019t ever doubt me, parabatai.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t.\u201d This time the smile came easier, and Jace allowed himself to lean into Alec\u2019s warmth, taking strength from him. Already he trusted him more than he\u2019d trusted anyone in his life, and he couldn\u2019t even begin to imagine what it would be like when they\u2019d gone through the parabatai ceremony. \u201cYou\u2019re the other half of my soul. But you have to know the full story before you decide to bind yourself to me for good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec opened his mouth to protest, but Jace shut him up with a look and began slowly, \u201cMy full name is Jonathan Christopher\u2026 Morgenstern. Son of Valentine Morgenstern.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was the first time he\u2019d said it out loud, and for a moment his father\u2019s face swam before his eyes. He blinked and focused again on the man who was still holding him, a tower of strength despite his shocked expression. His parabatai, his soulmate. <\/p>\n

Whatever destiny his father had imagined for him, Jace was going to forge his own fate - and he wouldn\u2019t do it alone. Jace smiled at Alec and continued his tale, confident that, no matter what happened, they would face and overcome it together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This entry is in the series Shadowhunter AUs<\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div>

The night after \u201cMichael Wayland\u201d had deactivated the glamor he\u2019d been wearing for 20 years, Jace had packed one single bag and disappeared.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t quite sure why he\u2019d made his way to New York. However, it was a good place to disappear in until he figured out what he wanted to do, so Jace didn\u2019t question the pull he\u2019d felt too much.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[228,197],"tags":[293,299,307],"series":[325],"class_list":["post-1869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alec-lightwoodjace-wayland","category-shadowhunters","tag-audience-adult","tag-genre-slash","tag-warning-au","series-shadowhunter-aus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1869"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1870,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869\/revisions\/1870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1869"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=1869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}