{"id":1890,"date":"2018-05-24T20:04:15","date_gmt":"2018-05-24T18:04:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/?p=1890"},"modified":"2018-05-24T20:04:15","modified_gmt":"2018-05-24T18:04:15","slug":"thanks-for-the-memories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/thanks-for-the-memories\/","title":{"rendered":"Thanks for the Memories"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author's Note<\/strong>: I'm making my way through ALL the tropes! This is my amnesia fic. \ud83d\ude42 Title courtesy of Fall Out Boy.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

He woke up in a strange room, finding a tall, dark-haired guy sprawled in a chair next to the bed, half-asleep at an uncomfortable-looking angle. The smile that spread on his face felt like muscle memory, as did the teasing tone in his voice when he asked, \u201cWouldn\u2019t you be more comfortable in<\/em> the bed instead of next to it?\u201d<\/p>\n

He patted the mattress invitingly, grinning as the guy, who seemed to be about his age, blinked at him sleepily from pretty hazel eyes. Then he appeared to process the words that had woken him, and an endearing flush colored his cheeks. \u201cI\u2026 umm\u2026 what<\/em>?!\u201d Gathering himself, although he was still blushing, he added more coherently, \u201cJace, we\u2019re not a couple.\u201d<\/p>\n

The name felt familiar, like an old, comfortable sweater, and he, Jace<\/em> nodded, easily accepting it as his. He vaguely wondered why the realization that he hadn\u2019t known his own name didn\u2019t bother him more, but the answer was right there in front of him, in the form of tall-dark-and-handsome, who was regarding him with a slightly worried frown on his face. Following an impulse, Jace reached out and laid a hand on the arm closest to the bed, smiling cheekily in an attempt to erase those lines. \u201cAre you sure? Because all evidence points to the contrary, as far as I\u2019m concerned.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEvidence?\u201d His strategy had worked, curiosity replacing concern.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, there\u2019s obviously something wrong with me, because I can\u2019t remember a thing. However, I\u2019m not in hospital, so it can\u2019t be anything new.\u201d This got him another frown, this one sadder and all the confirmation he needed. \u201cAnd yet, here you are, sleeping on a damn chair because you don\u2019t want me to wake up alone. I mean, you could<\/em> be family, but I hope in that case my first impulse at seeing you wouldn\u2019t be to want you in my bed.\u201d He grinned, enjoying the return of the blush, then added more seriously, \u201cI might not know much, but for some reason I trust you, completely.\u201d Prodding the other man teasingly with his index finger, he finished his monologue with a flourish, \u201cSo how about you tell me your name, so I can stop calling you tall-dark-and-handsome in my head\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Tall-dark-and-handsome\u2019s lips twitched, and Jace found himself wondering what a real smile would look like. It\u2019d be lethal, he was sure, but his wandering thoughts were reined in sharply when he finally answered, \u201cAlec. I\u2019m Alec. And you trust me because we\u2019re\u2026 closer than family, than blood.\u201d This made Jace perk up, but tall-dark-and-Alec<\/em> cut him off before he could say anything, obviously reading his mind. \u201cNot<\/em> lovers either. Many would say our bond is even closer. We\u2019re parabatai.\u201d <\/p>\n

In explanation he lifted his black sweater, baring a stretch of muscled stomach, a trail of dark hair disappearing into his equally black jeans, and at any other time Jace would have very much appreciated the view. As it was, however, his eyes were drawn to the black lines of what didn\u2019t quite look like a tattoo but which Jace felt with utmost certainty was just as permanent as one. He\u2019d of course noticed the markings on Alec\u2019s neck and forearms before, but this one felt\u2026 different. Significant. <\/p>\n

Without thinking about it, Jace lifted his own shirt and saw similar marks scattered on his skin - and the twin to Alec\u2019s in the same spot. He followed its lines with a finger, then looked up to meet Alec\u2019s eyes, finding them dark and filled with a warmth that made him shiver pleasantly. Clearing his throat he inquired, \u201cSo we got these together? What are they?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, when we were teenagers - you were 15 and I was 16. They\u2019re runes, and we put them on each other as part of a ritual that bound our souls together.\u201d Once again he forestalled Jace\u2019s interruption, \u201cYou said you trust me. Just\u2026 hear me out?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay.\u201d Jace nodded easily, realizing he would believe whatever Alec told him - because if there were such things as soul bonds and magic runes, this would be the person he bound himself to. <\/p>\n

Still, hearing that they were some sort of part-angel demon hunters was a lot to swallow. It helped that Alec seemed to know exactly how to break the news. It sounded\u2026 almost rehearsed, and after hearing him out, Jace came to a conclusion that left his voice shaky as he asked, \u201cThis isn\u2019t the first time you\u2019ve told me all of this, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

The stricken look on Alec\u2019s face told him that he\u2019d hit on the truth, but the other man was kind enough not to sugarcoat things, replying sadly, \u201cNo, it\u2019s not. You got caught between two feuding warlocks, and when you woke up, you were like this, without any memories.\u201d He paused, eyes glistening. \u201cThat was 11 days ago. You just\u2026 forget, every time you fall asleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jace bit back a gasp, the enormity of the situation almost overwhelming, and for a moment he couldn\u2019t bear to look at the sadness in Alec\u2019s eyes, his heart contracting painfully. It was accompanied by a strange echoing sensation, and Jace realized with a start that the feeling was coming from Alec<\/em>. Was that another\u2026 parabatai thing? It pulled him out of the hole of despair he\u2019d been threatening to slide into, and he managed to tease weakly, \u201cAnd I bet you\u2019ve been camped out in that chair ever since, babysitting my amnesiac ass.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019ve forgotten me but you remember the word \u2018amnesiac\u2019.\u201d Alec\u2019s chuckle was a bit wobbly, but his smile was real, and Jace clung to it like a lifeline. Just then his stomach grumbled, and some of the tension evaporated in slightly hysterical chuckles from both of them. Once they had recovered, Alec stood up and suggested, \u201cDo you want to go grab some food? Only if you\u2019re up to facing a bunch of people you don\u2019t know giving you worried looks and asking how you\u2019re doing, though. If not, I can just bring you something from the kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA whole bunch of worried people, huh? I\u2019m not surprised, I suspect I\u2019m a very popular guy.\u201d Jace smirked, gesturing exaggeratedly over his body, just for the pleasure of seeing Alec smile again. He obviously needed it, if the dark circles around his eyes were anything to go by, probably the result of spending - how long? - eleven days<\/em> looking after someone who didn\u2019t remember him or their relationship. Something inside Jace melted a little, and he suspected his face betrayed the rush of warmth he felt looking at Alec. He covered by stating firmly, \u201cI\u2019ll come along if you promise that you\u2019ll eat something, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec agreed willingly enough, and Jace go up to follow him out the room, absentmindedly registering that, whatever was wrong with his mind, his body seemed in good shape. As was Alec\u2019s, he couldn\u2019t help but notice once again, his eyes traveling down the taller man\u2019s broad back and lingering over the way his jeans were perfectly hugging a rather grabbable butt. Shaking his head ruefully, Jace redirected his attention to the unfamiliar corridors of what appeared to be a grand old building - the Institute, Alec had called it. <\/p>\n

Yeah, no matter what his parabatai said, Jace wasn\u2019t sure he bought his assurance that their relationship was strictly platonic. The more time he spent with Alec, the less Jace could imagine that there was any version of him who didn\u2019t want to be near this man in every way possible. However, he was distracted from his musings when they were approached by two young women. <\/p>\n

Both were strikingly beautiful, although for some reason Jace got only family vibes from the dark-haired one, unlike the redhead, who Jace almost automatically gave an appreciative once-over that made her blush quite prettily. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Alec rolling his eyes, but his tone was even when he said, \u201cJace, these are Clary and our sister Isabelle.\u201d<\/p>\n

At this, the girls\u2019 faces fell, having obviously hoped for Jace to have recovered his memories. Still, Isabelle managed a warm smile. \u201cIt\u2019s nice to see you, Jace. Hopefully Alec\u2019s been filling you in.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes, Alec\u2019s been taking very good care of me,\u201d Jace replied, grinning up at Alec. \u201cApparently that\u2019s part of this whole parabatai deal - I gotta say, I\u2019m a fan.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll part of the service.\u201d Alec\u2019s voice was dry, but his lips twitched, visibly trying to hide a pleased smile, and once again Jace felt warmth spread through him. Leading them towards what appeared to be a mess hall, hand resting lightly against the small of Jace\u2019s back, he leaned down to explain in a whisper, \u201cYou were raised with Izzy and me, and you used to date Clary.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUsed to, huh?\u201d Jace asked absently, distracted by Alec\u2019s proximity. There was no time for an extended explanation in any case, and the four of them sat down to lunch. Conversation flowed easily as the girls filled them in on their latest efforts to track down a cure for Jace\u2019s condition. Every now and then other Shadowhunters stopped by their table to inquire after Jace, but he was grateful when Alec fended them off, unsure how to deal with people who so clearly knew more about himself than he did.<\/p>\n

Clary was the one he was most uncomfortable with, however, because she quite obviously still had feelings for him while he had no idea what kind of couple they\u2019d been or why they\u2019d broken up. He certainly didn\u2019t share any of the easy familiarity with her that he did with Alec - nor did he feel the same type of deep-seated attraction, although she was definitely very attractive. She also seemed as uncertain how to behave as Jace did, which he found endearing, right until she made Alec squirm by stating innocently, \u201cWe\u2019ve been to see Magnus again about the spell, and he\u2019s still asking after you, Alec. I\u2019m sure if the two of you would just talk about everything\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Clary,\u201d Alec cut her off, visibly uncomfortable, \u201cbut there\u2019s nothing left to be said. And I\u2019m needed here.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was tension in every line of his body, and Jace impulsively reached out and patted him on the back. He had no idea who this Magnus was, and he really didn\u2019t want Alec to leave him, but he felt it necessary to say quietly, \u201cIf you need to go, I understand. You can\u2019t put your entire life on hold for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWouldn\u2019t be the first time.\u201d Isabelle\u2019s reaction was met with a glare and a hiss of \u201cIzzy!\u201d from her older brother, both of which she shrugged off with an unrepentant smile.<\/p>\n

Alec turned to Jace, eyes unreadable as he said matter-of-factly, \u201cI\u2019m exactly where I need to be. You\u2019d do the same for me - Angel, you have<\/em> done the same for me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026 thanks, Alec,\u201d Jace managed, caught by Alec\u2019s gaze and overwhelmed by this show of devotion. <\/p>\n

He only realized his hand was still resting on Alec\u2019s shoulder when Izzy broke the tension with a laugh that spoke of deep fondness and shared history. \u201cJust accept it, Jace. The two of you have saved each other\u2019s lives too many times to count. Consider it another parabatai perk.\u201d<\/p>\n

They finished their dinner without further mention of Magnus or of Jace\u2019s condition, and after the girls left to hunt down another lead, Alec asked whether Jace wanted to train or go for a walk. There was no way Jace was missing the chance to see what kind of training demon hunters did, and Alec chuckled, because apparently Jace always said that. It made Jace wonder how similar their days had been, and whether he always had to suppress the urge to stare hungrily at Alec while he changed into exercise gear.<\/p>\n

Jace himself was already wearing tracksuit pants and a t-shirt, so he fixed his eyes onto the floor and tried to forget the sight of pale, rune-covered skin with wiry dark hair, stretched over an expanse of strong muscle. At least Alec had been wearing boxers, while Jace discovered that he himself apparently liked to go commando when he had to reach down and adjust himself surreptitiously.<\/p>\n

In the training room, Alec tossed a staff at him without even glancing in his direction, and much to his own surprise Jace caught it easily, twirling it around without stopping to think. Smiling over his shoulder, Alec explained simply, \u201cMuscle memory.\u201d<\/p>\n

Picking up a staff of his own, he joined Jace on the floor, and soon they were engaged in a heated battle, staffs a flurry of motion. It felt strange, to be able to fight so well, his body seemingly able to predict Alec\u2019s every move, but also exhilarating. He\u2019d been a fish out of water ever since waking up, and finally something made sense, and Jace lost himself in the rhythm. Sparring with Alec was almost like a dance, something they did together rather than against each other.<\/p>\n

The bout ended in a stalemate, Jace\u2019s staff at Alec\u2019s throat, Alec\u2019s pressing into Jace\u2019s side, and for a moment they faced off, both breathing hard, standing so close Jace could feel the heat rising from Alec\u2019s sweat-flushed body. It took all his self-control not to close the few inches separating their faces - instead he grinned, lighthearted and giddy, before twisting away, kicking Alec\u2019s legs out from under him.<\/p>\n

Alec went down with a surprised grunt but managed to catch himself with unexpected grace from someone his size, and the next moment Jace was swept off his feet and joined his parabatai on the floor. The staffs clattered to the ground, forgotten, as they began to grapple, both of them panting from the effort and from barely suppressed laughter. <\/p>\n

Once again they were evenly matched, but when Alec twisted around so he was pressing Jace into the ground from behind, Jace\u2019s thoughts stuttered, his entire focus suddenly derailed by the sensation of Alec\u2019s body covering his, his hips pushing against Jace\u2019s butt in a way that was way too suggestive for Jace\u2019s peace of mind. Alec\u2019s hands, large and capable, were wrapped around his wrists, but even without this Jace found himself completely immobilized. He\u2019d been aware of an undercurrent of arousal ever since they started this - now it burst into the foreground, making him feel as if a flame had been lit.<\/p>\n

Squeezing his eyes shut, he barely managed to suppress a groan, but he knew there was no way Alec had missed the fact that he\u2019d frozen, and for an endless moment they remained like this, locked together. Then Alec scrambled away, but not before Jace had felt the tell-tale line of a hardening cock against his ass. <\/p>\n

Biting his lip, Jace slowly turned around, ordering his own unruly dick to behave, which proved difficult when he came face to face with Alec, who looked irresistibly hot. His hair was sticking up in all directions, and Jace couldn\u2019t help but wonder how far down his chest the blush coloring his cheeks went. Something of his hunger must have shown on his face, because Alec looked away, visibly conflicted, and Jace automatically apologized, \u201cSorry. I\u2026 I didn\u2019t mean to make you uncomfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s alright.\u201d Still not looking at him, Alec hoisted himself to his feet, tension in every line of his body. \u201cLet\u2019s just get changed, there\u2019s some Institute business I have to attend to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAlec\u2026\u201d Impulsively Jace stopped him from fleeing the room with a hand on his arm, only to drop it dejectedly when Alec flinched away. Jace almost let it go, but there was something inside him, something he was pretty sure originated in the bond he could feel connecting him with Alec, that made him square his jaw and ask quietly, \u201cI know you said we\u2019re not like that, but Alec, I\u2019m not imagining this, aren\u2019t I? This cannot possibly be the first time we had a\u2026 a moment<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

A deep sigh escaped his parabatai, and he appeared to desperately wish himself somewhere else. When he finally met Jace\u2019s gaze, he looked tired - and very, very sad. \u201cNo, it\u2019s not. It\u2019s been happening almost every day since the incident, actually. But I can\u2019t do this, Jace. It\u2019s not even that it\u2019s forbidden by the Law, but because this is something you\u2019d never do if you had your memories, if you were yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am myself,\u201d Jace protested, his heart aching with the desire to wipe that pained look off his parabatai\u2019s face. <\/p>\n

Alec just shook his head sadly. \u201cThen why has nothing like this ever happened before? No, Jace, I\u2019m sorry, but I can\u2019t risk it.\u201d He managed a pained smile. \u201cBesides, you\u2019ll have forgotten all about this tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ve had this conversation before, huh?\u201d Jace inquired wryly, trying to imagine what it must be like for Alec, to reject something he\u2019d obviously wanted for a long time over and over again. He honestly had no idea why his normal self wouldn\u2019t feel what he himself felt so clearly - he should feel even more strongly, because there was so much history between them that Jace couldn\u2019t remember.<\/p>\n

Sighing, Alec began gathering the discarded staffs and putting them away. \u201cLike I said, almost every day. One would think I\u2019d get better at avoiding it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo we\u2019ve never\u2026\u201d Jace knew he shouldn\u2019t pry, that it was hurting Alec, but he couldn\u2019t help himself, he needed to know.<\/p>\n

The way Alec froze gave him his answer even before his parabatai replied curtly, almost angrily, \u201cThe first time you kissed me, I kissed you back.\u201d His voice softened. \u201cAnd when you forgot about it, I knew I couldn\u2019t do it again. Not if\u2026\u201d He trailed off, hazel eyes stormy, and Jace had to fight the urge to pull him into a hug. Instead Alec squared his shoulders and met Jace\u2019s eyes head-on. \u201cJace, you have no idea what you\u2019ve been through in the past year. And if I let this happen, I don\u2019t think I could be there for you the way you deserve, as your parabatai. It would hurt too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tilting his head, Jace considered Alec\u2019s hunched over form, making him seem smaller than a man of his stature had any right to. Even with no memories to draw on, he\u2019d learned enough about Alec to realize what this speech cost him, and his stomach churned as he fought his impulse to comfort him with kisses and caresses, consequences be damned. Instead he stayed where he was and finally nodded, agreeing quietly, \u201cAlright, yeah. But for the record, I\u2019ve only known you for a few hours and I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019m in love with you. Just\u2026 keep that in mind when all this is over.\u201d<\/p>\n

For second Alec looked stricken, but he quickly covered it up with an impassive shrug, turning away to close the weapons cabinet. Jace didn\u2019t call him on it, just followed him back to his room, where Alec showed him everything he needed to take a shower before excusing himself. \u201cWhen you\u2019re done, you can find me in my office.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another surge of tenderness flooded Jace as he watched Alec practically flee the room. He obviously needed time to gather his thoughts, yet he was still willing to spend the rest of the day with the source of his discomfort. Thoughtfully, Jace undressed and got into the shower. His arousal had disappeared during his little heart-to-heart with Alec, but now he allowed himself to remember the exhilarating sparring session, the feeling of a hard body pressed against his, and began to quickly and methodically stroke himself off. Apparently muscle memory extended to this as well, because it wasn\u2019t long before he came, gasping Alec\u2019s name.<\/p>\n

Turning off the water, he dried himself off and left the bathroom, not bothering to cover himself, only to stop short when he came face to face with Alec. His eyes widened as he took in Jace\u2019s nakedness, his already flushed cheeks heating up further, and Jace hastily wrapped his towel around his hips. Wrenching his gaze away, Alec stuttered, \u201cS\u2026 sorry. Didn\u2019t mean\u2026 I remembered that you wouldn\u2019t know where my office is. But you can just ask anyone, really. I\u2019m\u2026 I\u2019m leaving. Sorry again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jace was pretty sure that Alec wasn\u2019t usually the babbling type, but here he was, completely flustered - and apparently unable to stop himself from stealing glances. How long had he been waiting for Jace to come out of the shower? Had he heard him? Jace snuck a peek of his own, and as suspected there was a tell-tale tent in Alec\u2019s pants. It was too much, and without thinking Jace crossed the distance between them and stopped Alec with a hand around his wrist. \u201cDon\u2019t be. And you can stay, if you want.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJace\u2026\u201d Alec groaned, eyes darting between the door and Jace, traveling down his bare chest to where that strange rune lay that connected them in ways Jace didn\u2019t understand. There was so much longing in his gaze, Jace felt it like a physical touch, making him shiver. Electricity charged the air between them, and he knew without a doubt that this time Alec wouldn\u2019t say no, irregardless of the consequences. <\/p>\n

It was this knowledge more than anything that made Jace take a step back, hand dropping to his side. Recognizing the gesture for the out it was, disappointment flashed in Alec\u2019s eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a rueful quirk of his lips. Jace\u2019s answering smile felt similarly loaded, but he managed to keep his voice even as he suggested, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you go ahead while I get dressed. I\u2019ll find your office, don\u2019t worry.\u201d <\/p>\n

They shared another long glance full of unspoken words, then Alec nodded and turned on his heel. With a heavy sigh Jace sat down on the bed, dropping his head into his hands as he took a few steadying breaths. He didn\u2019t have any memories to go on, but his gut told him that he really wasn\u2019t much good at dealing with complicated emotions. Shaking his head exasperatedly, he pushed everything aside and got dressed.<\/p>\n

When he found his way to Alec\u2019s office, he had his game face on - and so had Alec, who looked up from a tablet with a carefully neutral expression. Leaning against the doorframe, Jace grinned, and some of the tension fled Alec\u2019s body as he tapped the plaque next to door. \u201cHead of the Institute<\/em>! You didn\u2019t tell me you\u2019re the boss around here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s mostly administration,\u201d Alec protested, but there was pride hidden in the corners of his mouth, and Jace dug his fingers into his palms to stop himself from reaching out. Instead he stepped fully into the room when Alec gestured towards a comfy chair in the corner. \u201cYou can read for a bit, if you like, I\u2019ve got to go over the shift plans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeed any help?\u201d Jace inquired, hovering near Alec\u2019s desk, and was rewarded with a smile, genuine and warm, and an appreciative nod. <\/p>\n

\u201cSure. Thank you.\u201d Smiling back, Jace pulled up a chair and sat down next to Alec, who showed him the duty roster. They settled down to work companionably - and if Jace sat a bit closer than was strictly necessary, neither one of them mentioned it. After a while, Alec nudged Jace, smirking playfully. \u201cUsually you try everything to get out of paperwork. Maybe this amnesia thing isn\u2019t all bad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake advantage while it lasts then.\u201d Jace laughed, leaning even closer, figuring a bit of paperwork was a cheap price to pay for the solid warmth of Alec next to him. They continued working in this fashion and only moved apart slightly at a knock on the door. <\/p>\n

Isabelle and Clary didn\u2019t wait for Alec to respond before entering, and from the wide smiles on their faces it was obvious they had good news. Indeed, Clary triumphantly announced, \u201cWe found a solution!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Magnus did, but we helped,\u201d Isabelle amended, offering her hand for Clary to high-five, eyes full of fondness. It made Jace wonder about what kind of friendship the two shared, but he was quickly distracted by the realization that, if their assertions were true, he\u2019d soon have his memories back.<\/p>\n

The girls clearly expected him to be full of joyful anticipation, and of course he was looking forward to remembering everything, yet a part of him couldn\u2019t help but feel a slight sense of dread. However, he managed a convincing enough grin, all too aware of Alec\u2019s stiff posture by his side. It helped knowing that he wasn\u2019t the only one feeling a bit conflicted at the prospect of reverting to his old self. Would he even remember this day, the moments he\u2019d shared with Alec? Would this other version of himself even want to remember them? After all, he had apparently never given any indication of sharing the feelings for his parabatai Jace had so quickly developed.<\/p>\n

Shaking off the troubling thoughts, Jace focused on the present, since there was nothing to be done, and followed Alec and the girls. They stepped through a swirling portal, leaving Jace dizzy and disoriented when he found himself in a lavishly decorated living room. A man in matching colorful clothes and jewelry was awaiting them, and Jace didn\u2019t need to feel Alec stiffen beside him to know that this warlock was Magnus Bane. Alec\u2019s ex.<\/p>\n

Jace obviously didn\u2019t know the story there, but Magnus gave him a carefully neutral look from dark eyes that were much older than his face, and Jace he began to have a sneaking suspicion. It couldn\u2019t be easy to be with someone who was sharing their soul with another person. Alec had revealed enough of the deep-seated emotions that bound them together, platonic or not, it made Jace wonder about his own breakup with Clary. <\/p>\n

Well, he would know soon enough, because Magnus was directing him to stand in the middle of the room while everyone stood in a circle around him and linked hands. The warlock was all polite professionalism, but Jace noted that he did make sure Alec wasn\u2019t standing next to him, putting Clary and Isabelle between them. His parabatai was equally formal, eyes shuttered, the easy camaraderie they\u2019d shared gone. <\/p>\n

Jace suddenly couldn\u2019t stand the thought of ending this experience like this, not when there was a good chance he would be a very different person once he\u2019d regained his memories. Shooting Magnus an apologetic glance, he interrupted the preparations, \u201cSorry, but could Alec and I get a moment?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t we keep him? I like him, he\u2019s much more polite,\u201d Magnus quipped, before nodding towards the next room. \u201cJust don\u2019t take too long, time is money and so on\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

At the mention of money Alec flinched slightly, and Jace wondered whether this was the first time he\u2019d used the warlock\u2019s services since the breakup. He didn\u2019t dwell on it, however, instead he led them both to what turned out to be the dining room. Closing the door firmly behind Alec, he took a steadying breath and faced his parabatai, who was regarding him confusedly. <\/p>\n

\u201cI just\u2026\u201d he began, trying to find the right words. \u201cSince apparently it\u2019s likely that I\u2019ll forget everything, I was wondering\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Frustrated with his inability to express himself, he ran his hands through his hair. This wasn\u2019t working, so with another deep breath Jace stepped up to Alec, taking his hand between both of his. Alec twitched but remained still, and Jace looked him seriously into the eyes. \u201cI understand why you didn\u2019t want complications<\/em>, I really do, but Alec, you have the memories of these 11 days, of that\u2026 that kiss. And I know it\u2019s probably not fair to you, but please, let me have that, too? At least for the next few minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Realizing that he was babbling, Jace cut himself off. His heart was beating fast, and he wasn\u2019t sure if that was him or Alec, who was staring down at him with dark eyes. Jace waited with bated breath, not once looking away, and his heart fell when Alec removed his hand from Jace\u2019s grip, although he did so gently. <\/p>\n

The next moment, however, he was hauled flush against Alec\u2019s body, and then they were kissing, kissing as if Alec was drowning and Jace was oxygen. Jace\u2019s brain stuttered, overwhelmed, but his body didn\u2019t waste any time to respond, throwing his arms around Alec\u2019s neck and pushing himself against him. With a groan, Alec\u2019s mouth opened to him, their tongues meeting, sliding against each other hungrily, and while Jace didn\u2019t have anything to compare this to, he was pretty sure this was exceptional as far as kisses went. His world consisted of Alec\u2019s mouth, of the feeling of his arms around him and the heat spreading through his body, his parabatai rune pulsing in time with their heartbeats, and Jace never wanted it to end. <\/p>\n

However, it had to end, and slowly their kisses became less intense, more of a slow tasting of one another, until Alec pulled away, even if he did so rather reluctantly. Breathing heavily, they rested their foreheads together, still wrapped in each other\u2019s arms, and Jace tried to think of what to say. In the end, all he managed was a smile, decidedly wobbly around the edges, and a quiet \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re welcome.\u201d A rueful laugh escaped Alec, his eyes glistening treacherously, but Jace held himself back from reaching out again, knowing instinctively that his parabatai was desperately clinging to his dignity. Instead he offered Alec his hand, and after a moment\u2019s hesitation Alec gripped it, tight enough to hurt. Jace didn\u2019t mind, squeezing back just as hard, before letting go with a grateful quirk of his lip.<\/p>\n

They didn\u2019t touch when they joined the others, but Jace suspected it was rather obvious what had transpired. Magnus gave them a nod, tired and a bit sad, while Clary bit her lip and stared at the floor. Stepping back into the circle, Jace looked around himself at these virtual strangers, at Alec, who was regarding him with soft eyes, and tried to be happy that they\u2019d be getting their friend back. <\/p>\n

\u201cThanks for this,\u201d he finally said. \u201cI know you all went to a lot of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone nodded, but it was Isabelle who replied firmly, \u201cYou\u2019re worth it, Jace. And you can thank us when all this is over.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then Magnus proceeded with the ritual, and Jace closed his eyes, letting the waves of magic wash over him. At first it just felt warm, but the sensation increased in intensity until Jace\u2019s head felt as if it was on fire. Suppressing a cry, his eyes flew open and he locked them on Alec, using him as his anchor until the pain became too much and he collapsed.<\/p>\n

When he woke up, it was in his own room, and Alec was half-asleep in a chair next to the bed. Jace hefted himself onto his elbows, the movement rousing his parabatai. Finding Jace awake Alec\u2019s brows drew together in a worried frown. \u201cJace?\u201d<\/p>\n

A smile settled on Jace\u2019s face, warm and bright, and Alec\u2019s gave him a puzzled look. Smirking, Jace gestured between them. \u201cI\u2019m having a serious case of d\u00e9ja-vu right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2026 you remember?\u201d Alec seemed unsure how to feel about this relevation.<\/p>\n

Still smiling, Jace slid out of the bed. Leaning down, he tipped Alec\u2019s chin up with two fingers, and Alec\u2019s eyes widened as he said softly, \u201cEverything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec\u2019s lips parted in a surprised oh<\/em>, which Jace swallowed gently with his mouth. Alec remained frozen against him, however, so Jace pulled back, trying not to let his disappointment show. Forcing a smile, he sat back down, only now realizing how wobbly he still felt, and apologized, \u201cSorry, I didn\u2019t mean to make you uncomfortable\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh,\u201d Alec cleared his throat, shaking off his paralysis with a shuddering breath. He remained tense, though, and was having trouble meeting Jace\u2019s eyes. \u201cNo, I\u2026 What do you mean with everything<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jace shrugged. \u201cEverything from that last day. The other ten days are gone, I\u2019m afraid.\u201d Trying to levity, he added, \u201cI do hope at some point you actually slept, because I hate to tell you, but you look dreadful.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was a lie, of course, because there were basically no circumstances under which Jace didn\u2019t find his parabatai handsome, but the weak quip did fulfill its purpose, making Alec roll his eyes. \u201cThanks so much. I could say the same, except you\u2019ve actually been asleep for 12 full hours. Magic hangover, Magnus said.\u201d<\/p>\n

They both winced a little at the mention of Alec\u2019s ex-boyfriend, and Jace wondered how he could have been so blind to what had been going on in his parabatai\u2019s life. Admittedly, he hadn\u2019t been in the best shape after Lilith and then distracted by getting Clary back, although that hadn\u2019t exactly worked out as he had imagined. Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Jace offered Alec a small smile. \u201cWell, I\u2019m all better now. And I really am sorry for kissing you, I shouldn\u2019t have presumed.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you?\u201d The anger in Alec\u2019s voice took Jace by surprise. \u201cYou certainly never before showed any sign of\u2026 of\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c...wanting you?\u201d Jace completed, and Alec nodded, looking defeatedly at the floor. Jace had to dig his nails into his palms to stop himself from reaching out again. Instead he sighed and settled for telling the truth - the whole truth, not the version he\u2019d been telling himself before the last day had made that pretty much impossible. \u201cAlec, I\u2019ve always wanted you. But you\u2026 you deserve so much better. I always knew that, even before I realized that you\u2026 were in love with me, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shocked, Alec\u2019s eyes flew up to find Jace\u2019s, and he forced himself to meet them, despite the blush he could feel crawl into his cheeks. \u201cBut\u2026 Clary<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI really thought I loved her, or maybe that I could make myself love her,\u201d Jace replied candidly. \u201cAlec, being your parabatai was all I ever dreamed of being, I never dared to imagine anything else... And then, right when we were at odds in ways I never wanted us to be, you met Magnus. You had a chance for something real<\/em>, with someone who deserved you, and I was happy for you. And Clary is\u2026 Clary.\u201d<\/p>\n

They shared a wry smile at this, remembering how the arrival of Clary had turned their lives upside down. Then Alec sobered, shaking his head in denial. \u201cYou didn\u2019t think you deserved me.\u201d Throwing up his hands in frustration, Alec was out of his chair and loomed right in Jace\u2019s space. Stepping between his legs, he tapped his chest with an accusing finger. \u201cSeriously, Jace, of all the stupid things\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

And for the second time in 24 hours Jace found himself being kissed by his parabatai. It was just as overwhelming now as it had been the first time - maybe even more so, because now Jace remembered<\/em>, and their shared history burned between them, fueling every touch, every stroke of their tongues. Groaning, Jace carded his fingers through Alec\u2019s hair as he lay down on the bed, pulling his parabatai with him. <\/p>\n

Alec came easily, arms bracketing Jace\u2019s head, long body slotted between Jace\u2019s open legs, both of them hissing when their quickly hardening cocks came into contact. Still kissing, they began rocking against each other, pleasure passing back and forth through their bond, intensifying everything, until Jace could almost taste Alec\u2019s arousal.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease...\u201d he groaned, his hands sliding under his parabatai\u2019s sweater, impatiently pulling at it until Alec sat up abruptly and tore it off, dropping it carelessly to the ground. Jace was too distracted by the sight of all that revealed skin to follow Alec\u2019s example. His parabatai sat back on his haunches, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing him with a mock frown. Grinning, Jace teased, \u201cWhat, you\u2019re hot!\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite his attempt to keep scowling, Alec blushed, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth. \u201cDo you want to get naked or should I leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite knowing full well that he was being played, Jace didn\u2019t hesitate to do as ordered, wriggling out of his clothes, leaving him completely nude. He could feel Alec\u2019s eyes on him, although his paratabai simultaneously managed to take off his jeans and boxers as well. Then they were both naked, pausing to stare at each other in a way they had never before dared to do so openly.<\/p>\n

Suddenly Jace felt uncharacteristically hesitant, but then, none of his previous partners had mattered this much, and he could see similar thoughts in Alec\u2019s eyes. Scooting closer until their knees touched, Jace cupped his parabatai\u2019s face in his hands and asked seriously, \u201cAre you sure, Alec? We can still back away from this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve never been surer of anything,\u201d Alec replied instantly, not hesitating for even a moment. Covering Jace\u2019s hands with his own, he added with a half-smile, \u201cAnd we\u2019re already breaking the Law, just by feeling the way we do.\u201d<\/p>\n

Raw emotion threatening to choke him, Jace managed a strangled laugh. \u201cSo you figure that we can just as well have sex? I love you, Alec Lightwood, I really do!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s good, because I really love you, too,\u201d Alec responded warmly, leaning in to kiss Jace lightly on the lips. Before Jace could react, he moved on to Jace\u2019s neck, licking and sucking. Pleasure sparked through Jace, and from one moment to the next his body came back alive. Biting back a moan as Alec caught his earlobe with teasing teeth, he let his hands wander over Alec\u2019s skin, relishing the sensation of shifting muscles. <\/p>\n

Needing to be closer, Jace moved to straddle Alec, both of them hissing when their cocks slid against each other. Alec stopped mauling Jace\u2019s neck, instead he caught him in another deep, hungry kiss, and time ceased to matter as they began to rock against each other. Jace managed to gather enough of his wits to slide a hand between their bodies, wrapping it tightly around their erections. The pleasure shooting through him was so intense, he felt dizzy with it, and from the way Alec\u2019s fingers dug into his ass, his parabatai felt the same.<\/p>\n

Tearing his lips away from Alec\u2019s, Jace had to take a panting breath, before he could form words again. \u201cI want you inside me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eyes widening, Alec stared at him in shock. \u201cAre\u2026 are you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I\u2019ve waited for so long, I don\u2019t want to go another day without knowing what it feels like,\u201d Jace stated firmly, tamping down on the tiny flicker of nervousness in the pit of his stomach. Licking his lips, he met Alec\u2019s eyes with a challenging stare. \u201cDo you need an engraved invitation?\u201d <\/p>\n

Alec\u2019s mouth twitched in an involuntary grin before he shook his head decisively, and the next moment Jace found himself on his back again. His laugh turned into more of a gasp as the wind was knocked out of him. Grinning widely now, Alec slipped a hand between their bodies to wrap long fingers around Jace\u2019s cock. Laugh turning into moan, Jace arched off the bed, legs opening wider to give Alec better access. He would have been unable to say for how long Alec jerked him off, seemingly knowing instinctively how to coax the sweetest pleasure out of Jace\u2019s body. Only when Jace could feel his climax approaching inexorably did Alec stop, kissing away Jace\u2019s wordless noise of protest before sitting back a little.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease tell me that you\u2019ve got lube or lotion in your nightstand.\u201d Alec\u2019s voice was hoarse, as if he was the one teetering on the brink of orgasm, and Jace would have felt guilty for neglecting him, if he\u2019d had any brain capacity left. As it was, he just about managed to nod, feeling weak with pleasure, taken apart, although they\u2019d barely done more than make out. <\/p>\n

He was too strung out to feel even the tiniest remnant of nervousness when Alec lifted one of his legs and pressed a first slick digit inside him. Jace had experimented with penetration before, but never with the intent to go all the way, yet now he could barely wait, rocking against Alec\u2019s finger. Steadying him with his other hand, his parabatai shook his head fondly, but there was heat flickering in his eyes, and Jace could feel Alec\u2019s cock, slick with precum, against his thigh.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust\u2026 do it,\u201d Jace demanded, reaching up to pull Alec into a hungry kiss, making his parabatai groan and falter in his stretching motion, two fingers now buried inside Jace. He quickly resumed his attentions, however, adding a third digit, which hit a spot that made Jace see stars. Fixing Alec with a stare that he hoped conveyed how serious he was, he gasped, \u201cC\u2019mon, I can take it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Luckily for Jace\u2019s sanity this seemed to convince his parabatai, who carefully withdrew his hand, leaving Jace feeling strangely empty. Not for long, however, because Alec positioned himself between his legs, resting one of Jace\u2019s legs on his shoulder, and Jace took a steadying breath as he felt the blunt head of Alec\u2019s cock slide between his slick butt cheeks. After claiming one more kiss, Alec poured some more lube over his erection, and then he was pushing inside, carefully but without hesitation.<\/p>\n

As their bodies were slowly joined, Jace was staring up into his parabatai\u2019s face, and not once did they break eye contact, not until Alec was fully sheathed inside Jace. It was a stretch, but the slight burn dissipated quickly and Jace paid it no heed, completely caught into the moment. For all his previous impatience, he hadn\u2019t known what it\u2019d be like to actually fuck Alec or be fucked by him, whether it could possibly live up to years of longing and secret dreams. Now that the moment was here, though, all he could think was how right<\/em> it felt, to be joined like this.<\/p>\n

Something of his emotions had to be showing on his face, because Alec swallowed, eyes shining, and he half-whispered in an awed, choked-up voice, \u201cJace\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

All Jace could do was nod around a sudden lump in his throat, reaching up to press his right palm against Alec\u2019s chest, above his rapidly beating heart, which matched Jace\u2019s own. Between them, their bond lay wide open, their connection so strong, Jace could feel Alec\u2019s love pouring through it, and he let himself fall into it, hoping that Alec could sense him in return. From the awed look on his parabatai\u2019s face, he suspected he could. Suddenly it felt like too much, and Jace had to close his eyes, settling on pushing himself forward and up, against the hard lines of Alec\u2019s body, tense with coiled strength.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, I\u2019m ready,\u201d Jace urged him on, and, with a growl that seemed to be ripped from his throat, Alec complied, fucking into Jace hard and fast while Jace wrapped one hand around his own cock. They quickly found a rhythm that sent waves of pleasure through them both, Jace rising up to meet Alec\u2019s every thrust, his free hand gripping him firmly by the shoulder. Every stroke of Alec\u2019s cock sparked whitehot fire through Jace\u2019s body, and he could tell from the trembling in Alec\u2019s strong frame that his parabatai wasn\u2019t far behind. Forcing himself to keep his eyes open and fixed on the tantalizing sight of Alec in the throes of passion, Jace wrapped both legs around slim hips and clenched his inner muscles, making Alec\u2019s movements stutter as he ordered, \u201cNow, Alec, fuck - now<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJace\u2026\u201d Alec groaned, staring down at him, pupils blown, sweat-matted hair sticking to his forehead, and Jace had never seen anything hotter. His climax crashed over him like a tidal wave, spurting over his fist and coating both their stomachs, and he almost missed the moment when Alec followed him over the edge. Bodies trembling with wave after wave of ecstasy, they clung to each other, and Jace could have sworn he could feel Alec\u2019s orgasm crest through him. <\/p>\n

Finally, Alec collapsed half on top of him, resting his head against Jace\u2019s shoulder, and his softening cock slid out of Jace\u2019s body, making him wince. He didn\u2019t want to be separated from his parabatai, but for now he settled for a tight embrace, wrapping both arms around Alec and burying his face in messy black hair. Exhaustion began to spread through his body, making him feel heavy and lazy, but before he dozed off, Jace asked softly, \u201cIs it always going to be like this?\u201d<\/p>\n

Alec lifted his head, eyes hazy with contentment, an affectionate smile lighting up his features. \u201cI don\u2019t know - I guess we\u2019ll have to find out.\u201d<\/p>\n

He swallowed Jace\u2019s chuckle with a kiss so slow and sweet, Jace melted into it, feeling loved and safe in his parabatai\u2019s arms. For the first time in forever, Jace was completely at peace. This. This was what he\u2019d been missing. <\/p>\n

When the lazy tangle of lips and tongues petered off naturally, Jace found himself smiling almost giddily, causing Alec to lift an inquisitive eyebrow. Curling himself around his parabatai, Jace simply shook his head. \u201cJust\u2026 thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever for?\u201d Alec frowned at him, confused.<\/p>\n

Jace couldn\u2019t help himself, he pressed a kiss to his forehead. \u201cFor being everything I\u2019ve ever needed. Up to and including the perfect nursemaid for amorous amnesiacs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Since they were still wrapped up in each other, Jace could see Alec blush at the compliment, before he caught himself enough to roll his eyes, the gesture so familiar, it felt like a caress. \u201cWell, since you\u2019ve got your memories back, don\u2019t think I\u2019ll continue being at your beck and call.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou keep telling yourself that - I know your secret, Alec Lightwood.\u201d Jace laughed softly, eyelids heavy. \u201cYou love me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat I do...\u201d He could feel Alec\u2019s fond chuckle rumbling through his chest. He let the sound carry him off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that the next day would bring the chance to make more memories. All of them happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

He woke up in a strange room, finding a tall, dark-haired guy sprawled in a chair next to the bed, half-asleep at an uncomfortable-looking angle. The smile that spread on his face felt like muscle memory, as did the teasing tone in his voice when he asked, \u201cWouldn\u2019t you be more comfortable in<\/em> the bed instead of next to it?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[228,197],"tags":[293,299],"series":[],"class_list":["post-1890","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alec-lightwoodjace-wayland","category-shadowhunters","tag-audience-adult","tag-genre-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1890","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1890"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1890\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1891,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1890\/revisions\/1891"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1890"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=1890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}