{"id":392,"date":"2006-02-19T19:15:00","date_gmt":"2006-02-19T18:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pr0nandchocolate.net\/fiction\/supernatural-happy-valentine-samjess-pg\/"},"modified":"2006-02-19T19:15:00","modified_gmt":"2006-02-19T18:15:00","slug":"happy-valentine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/happy-valentine\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy Valentine"},"content":{"rendered":"

Note<\/b>: For the challenge, written for Jordy. My first try writing this fandom. I\u2019m afraid I couldn\u2019t omit the angst \u2013 Sam\u2019s just too pretty when he\u2019s hurting. \ud83d\ude09 Hopefully you like it anyway\u2026<\/p>\n

The note was tucked inside the pocket of Sam\u2019s winter coat. He took it out when a case led him and Dean into the north of Washington State where an early snowfall surprised them right after they had busted a poltergeist with a penchant for giving old women heart attacks. <\/p>\n

The piece of paper was rumpled from months at the bottom of his bag, but Sam instantly recognized the purple hue of Jess\u2019 favorite writing paper. The sharp stab in his heart surprised him \u2013 he had thought he had learned to live with the guilt and the grief by now, but seeing his name penned down in Jess\u2019 loopy handwriting made him almost double over in pain. <\/p>\n

He covered his mouth with one hand to stop himself from screaming, the other fingering the paper over and over, causing even more creases. She had always left him notes, but her favorite paper was reserved for special occasions. This one had to be from the time he went snowboarding with some friends and had to leave her behind to study for an exam over Valentine\u2019s Day. He had returned with roses and a bracelet, and she must have thought he had found it. The note had been in his coat pocket for almost two years, and now a part of him really did not want to read what Jess had written. <\/p>\n

It hurt too much, to picture her sitting at her desk, trying to think of what to say to him \u2013 to the Sam who had been so in love with her that he had convinced himself that a normal, happy life was possible. Anything she had written was meaningless, now that she was dead, killed by something that he had brought down on her, ripping to shreds the semblance of normalcy he had built for himself, for them.<\/p>\n

Right then, just when the all too familiar guilt threatened to engulf Sam again, the door to the motel room opened to let in a draft of icy air and his scowling brother.<\/p>\n

\u201cMan, it\u2019s a fucking blizzard out there! How come I let you talk me into buying food by myself \u2013 at least that way I wouldn\u2019t have been the only one freezing my balls off!\u201d<\/p>\n

Although he had tucked the note into his pocket as soon as the door opened, Sam\u2019s posture must have alerted Dean that something was wrong, because he stopped ranting and sat down opposite Sam, fixing his brother with an inquiring stare. <\/p>\n

\u201cDid you have another vision or nightmare or something? You look as if you\u2019ve seen a ghost \u2013 wait, did you?\u201d The worry in Dean\u2019s eyes was real, although his voice remained flippant. Sam sighed and shook his head, feeling too raw to speak. Instead he handed Dean the note, avoiding his eyes and fixating on a spot on the none-too-clean carpet.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat have we here\u2026 You got a love letter, Sammy? From one of the old biddies at the retirement home? Boy, you sure have a way with the ladies\u2026 Oh fuck!\u201d The teasing died down as soon as he opened the letter. Sam still did not look up, but he could hear the rustling of paper and a sharp intake of breath from Dean.<\/p>\n

\u201cRead it to me. Please. I\u2026 I can\u2019t.\u201d Sam hardly recognized his own voice, it sounded like that of a dead man. He could feel Dean scrutinizing him, probably trying to decide whether there was any chance he could talk him out of this. Apparently Sam looked more determined than he felt, because after a while, Dean started reading. His voice was gentle and he refrained from any smartass remarks about its sappiness, simply reading the note from start to finish:<\/p>\n

My dearest Sam,<\/p>\n

I really should hate you for leaving me alone like this. After all, what good is a boyfriend if he\u2019s not around on Valentine\u2019s Day to worship the love of his life? But nevertheless I forgive you, Sam Winchester, with all my heart \u2013 which just goes to show what a terrific catch I am and how lucky you are to have me in your life! The thing is, though, and that is the reason why I\u2019m not mad at you \u2013 so am I. <\/p>\n

Having you in my life has been the best thing that\u2019s ever happened to me. I know you won\u2019t believe this, but it\u2019s true. No matter what will happen, how ugly our eventual breakup will be (and I\u2019m not convinced that there\u2019ll ever be one, mind you, despite your reluctance to introduce me to your family, which would make anyone suspicious) \u2013 I will always be glad to have known you, to have loved you.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re one hell of a special man, Sam Winchester, and I can\u2019t wait to see you again on Saturday and show you how much I love you (which will be lots of fun for both of us, I assure you). And I already know that you\u2019ll make sure that this will be the best late Valentine\u2019s Day of my life.<\/p>\n

Love and kisses, forever yours,<\/p>\n

Jess
\nXoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo<\/p>\n

After Dean had fallen silent, Sam could not move, could hardly breathe. He knew this was a beautiful letter, one that should make him feel grateful and comforted. Instead he felt chilled to the bone and more alone than he had since the night of the fire.<\/p>\n

He did not feel the bed dip, but suddenly Dean was there, next to him, holding him in an awkward but earnest embrace. Sam heard a loud sob and realized only a heartbeat later that he was making this animal noise that shook his whole body. Dean\u2019s arms were the only thing anchoring him to reality, and he clung to his brother desperately.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t get used to this, Sammy,\u201d he heard Dean\u2019s voice dimly. \u201cThis is still not a hugging show!\u201d<\/p>\n

In between painful sobs a harsh laugh escaped Sam. It hurt his throat and constricted his chest almost more than the crying, but it was okay. Through eyes grainy with tears Sam groped for the letter lying discarded on the ground, folded it and stuffed it into his shirt pocket. <\/p>\n

Dean did not loosen his hold.
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