{"id":844,"date":"2014-09-13T21:01:32","date_gmt":"2014-09-13T19:01:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pr0nandchocolate.net\/shirasade\/?p=844"},"modified":"2014-09-13T21:01:32","modified_gmt":"2014-09-13T19:01:32","slug":"holding-on-and-letting-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/holding-on-and-letting-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Holding On and Letting Go"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author's Note<\/strong>: I simply had to write this... Hope it fits kind of, sort of, since I only saw the movie twice. Title from the song by Ross Copperman.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

It had started with a look and an almost-touch in a trashy trailer. She\u2019d developed a silly crush on him, he\u2019d treated her like a little sister, but underneath it all their connection had been steady and strong. She\u2019d started dating Bobby, innocent and chaste because neither one of them could quite shake the fear of her power, and he\u2019d pursued Jean, safely married even if she flirted back sometimes. They might have fooled the world, they might even have fooled themselves, but in the wilderness of Alaska Wolverine and Rogue, two basically untouchable, isolated people, had forged an unbreakable bond. <\/p>\n

It was this bond that Rogue held on to more than anything after the Sentinels captured her in order to decode the secrets of her DNA. It was the second time they\u2019d looked at each other and everything had changed that kept her sane among the horrors she experienced in the camp. <\/p>\n

Marie had left after taking the Cure, unable to face the mix of disapproval and pity in the other mutants\u2019 eyes, especially since Logan, the one person who\u2019d always taken her as she was, had also taken off after what happened to Jean. She\u2019d come back when her powers had and the new generation of Sentinels had been unveiled to an all-too-easily scared public. Ironically it had taken near-extinction that made her embrace what she could do, since it enabled her to fight, to survive, and to help those precious few that were left. It had been surprisingly easy to let Bobby go, the war stripping away all pretences, and seeing him with Kitty even made her smile. Just like the humans that insisted that they were nothing alike, even in the midst of death and destruction mutants still found reasons to smile, to laugh. To love.<\/p>\n

Weeks after they had to abandon the School Logan had tracked them down, bringing with him hope, in the form of Professor Xavier, miraculously alive. But to Marie, his arrival had meant more than that: The moment their eyes met, everything changed - Logan\u2019s usually unreadable face betrayed the sheer relief of finding her alive, and that had been all that was needed. Years of denial and pretence had been wiped away from one moment to the next, and Marie hurled herself at him, barely greeting the Professor, his arms tightening around her without hesitation. <\/p>\n

Whatever reasons Logan had before to ignore the emotions simmering under the surface, they certainly didn\u2019t matter to him one whit when she whispered his name and heard him say hers like a prayer that had been answered. His lips claimed hers first, a moment stolen from the reality around them during which nothing mattered but the two of them. Not the lives lost, the battles still to be fought, even the friends to be greeted - Logan kissed her and Marie poured all of herself into the touch, leaving no room for doubt. Her powers kicked in shortly after, but Logan traced half-healed wounds even as they disappeared and simply laughed, coaxing an answering, rueful smile from her. After all, he\u2019d always been the one unafraid to touch her. <\/p>\n

Now Rogue was alone again, more than she\u2019d ever been, and she could hear herself scream in pain. Anaesthesia was not considered necessary as the scientists probed, scanned and cut her, although she had no idea what her captors still hoped to discover after such a long time. Logan had screamed, too, when they took her, her name, her real one, torn from his lips the last thing she remembered before everything went dark. She\u2019d been Rogue ever since, Marie safe in the one place no knife, no laser, no drug could reach, buried so deep that the real world receded when Rogue allowed herself to sink into the memories, until she felt barely tethered to her body anymore. Lost in her mind, she stretched out every precious minute she\u2019d had with Logan, which had turned out to be all too few, stolen away from the others whenever they could.<\/p>\n

Having to hide, scrounging for food and gear, always ready for battle, passion had always been close to the surface once they\u2019d let go of pretence and denial. In addition she unavoidably absorbed some of Logan\u2019s powers when they touched, everything becoming vivid and intense. They learned together how far they could go, how long it took before lust turned to pain for him, and Marie could read Logan better every time. She\u2019d even come to relish the feeling of his life force rushing through her, of the way she could suddenly feel every shuddering breath he took, smell his rocketing arousal, hear his heart hammer in his chest. <\/p>\n

Not that they\u2019d had nearly enough time to explore one another. She was captured not long after the Professor had brought Magneto onboard, whose bitter hatred seemed to have disappeared even as his most dire predictions came true. What did ideology matter when every day could be their last? Seeing the two old men bowed over a chessboard in between battles fought side-by-side softened something inside Marie. But then, forgiveness came easy when she had Logan right next to her, all sarcastic remarks, deadly claws - and eyes full of warmth and love whenever he looked at her. A part of her had actually begun to think that they might survive this, that somehow they would find a way to end the terror that were the Sentinels and their masters.<\/p>\n

Rogue did no longer believe in happy endings. Her tormentors had taken great pleasure in telling her how her own gift had been used to make the Sentinels pretty much invincible. They had all known that Mystique\u2019s powers had been used to build the Sentinels, and those had already been dangerous enough to cause the end of their world. Rogue couldn\u2019t bear to think what they were like now, able to take on any power and use it against the mutants, against her own people. She was the reason most of her friends were probably dead by now. Maybe even Logan was gone, maybe the new Sentinels had been too strong even for him... Rogue always cut herself off at this point, afraid the enormity of it all might crush what was left of her spirit, drive her mad. <\/p>\n

She was no longer surprised that Mystique had always seemed more than a little unhinged, they had her for years. Whatever had happened, whether they\u2019d let her go or she\u2019d escaped on her own and found her way back to Magneto, it had been too late, the damage already done, the Sentinels almost a reality. Just as it was too late for Rogue now. She had stopped looking for a way out, needing every last ounce of strength and willpower to stay alive. It would be so easy to surrender to the pain, the peace death would grant a siren call in the darkness.<\/p>\n

Instead Rogue held on, although she no longer believed in rescue or escape. It was the part of her that was Marie who was convinced she owed it to herself, to the Professor and her friends - to Logan. It was Marie who believed that Logan was still out there, that she\u2019d know if he was dead. It was Rogue whose job it was to ensure Marie would survive until this changed. And it was Rogue who the Professor and Magneto found when they arrived in the hush of time frozen, the metal holding Rogue in place giving way with barely a snap.<\/p>\n

Her captors had become careless, not wanting to waste precious non-magnetic material on a well-guarded lab. But then, they had no way of knowing that, in the fires of an armageddon they had caused, Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr had reforged a bond broken long ago. Even Rogue, who\u2019d witnessed their reconciliation, needed a moment to remember that Magneto\u2019s face was a welcome one. The Professor\u2019s gentle voice in her head soothed and reassured, and Rogue finally relaxed enough to allow him to envelop her in his mental shield. They slipped out as silently as they had come, a path of bent metal the only sign of their passing.<\/p>\n

Rogue didn\u2019t know where she\u2019d been held captive, and the dead landscape of industrial wasteland did not offer up any clues to their location. Most of the world was part of the battleground in this never-ending war, so they could be anywhere. All she could tell was that it was night and that the Professor\u2019s hand was on her back, warm like his presence in her mind.<\/p>\n

Not sure whether it was safe to speak, she tried to formulate her questions mentally, but there were so many of them, she herself wasn\u2019t certain which one she wanted to ask the most. Why were they here? Why hadn\u2019t they come earlier? How long had she been captive? Was Logan still alive?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYes, he\u2019s still alive, my dear,\u201d the Professor replied out loud, having chosen which question was foremost in her mind. \u201cHe\u2019s alive and has been desperate to find you ever since you were taken, almost two years ago. I\u2019m truly sorry we weren\u2019t able to rescue you earlier, but after they took your gift we barely managed to stay a step ahead of the Sentinels.\u201d<\/p>\n

Two years? Rogue shuddered: \u201cHow many did my precious gift<\/em> kill, Professor?\u201d Her voice was scratchy, no longer used to forming actual words, only screams of pain. The part of her that was Marie didn\u2019t want to feel bitter, wanted to hold on to the Professor and hear that everything would be alright, but Rogue could not risk it. Not even when she made the man who\u2019d rescued her flinch, sorrow clear in his face. <\/p>\n

\u201cCan we please not start with the guilt? Not that I don\u2019t understand how you\u2019re feeling after everything you\u2019ve been through, but what\u2019s done is done, and Charles and I are here now because your gift might just be our last hope.\u201d It was Magneto who replied, his voice even and his eyes free of censure but his hand squeezing Xavier\u2019s shoulder in what could only be called comfort, as incongruous as the term felt when it came to Erik Lehnsherr.<\/p>\n

The Professor repaid his friend\u2019s kindness with a warm glance and a smile that said much. It made something inside of Rogue soften, and somewhere deep inside of her Marie uncurled slightly. His response to Rogue was equally gentle: \u201cHe\u2019s right. I dearly wish I could say we came solely to rescue you, but the truth is that we need you, Marie. Logan<\/em> needs you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLogan?\u201d This brought Rogue up short, the protestation that she was no longer Marie dying on her lips. \u201cWhat has happened to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

Before the Professor could reply, Magneto held up a hand and silenced them both. Holding her breath in fear, Rogue cowered next to Xavier and waited. After a moment she could hear it, too, the sound of drones approaching, and the Professor\u2019s hand dropped to her shoulder, offering comfort that she gratefully accepted. She felt drained of courage, scared of being recaptured and what that would mean, but she would be brave a bit longer if it meant that she got to see Logan again.<\/p>\n

They hid until danger had passed, then Magneto led them further until they reached an abandoned junkyard. There, hidden between old cars and other wrecks Rogue saw a small jet that was obviously to be their mode of transport. With a smile the Professor encouraged her to climb across the wreckage as fast as she could. Magneto was right beside her, his eyes focused inwards, and a glance back showed her that he was levitating Xavier\u2019s chair carefully. They reached the jet safely, and Rogue slumped into one of the passenger seats, breathing hard. There had not been much call for physical exercise in the camp and she\u2019d spent a great part of the past\u2026 two years\u2026 strapped down anyway.<\/p>\n

Magneto sat down in the pilot seat after strapping the Professor in, shaking his head curtly when Rogue offered to do it, but instead of turning on the engines right away the jet lifted silently. They ghosted through the darkness until they\u2019d left whatever city they were in far behind. Only then did Magneto switch to regular flight, and Rogue relaxed some more when no sign of pursuit followed in the wake of their passing. The Professor used their journey to explain everything that had happened to Rogue, showing her mentally when she had problems wrapping her head around the enormity of what they were attempting.<\/p>\n

Towards the end the Professor took her gloved hand in his: \u201cYou see, we desperately need Kitty in order for Logan to succeed. She\u2019s trying but failing to hold on, close to exhaustion. That\u2019s why we came for you, my dear - if you absorb her powers you can take her place and our plan might still work.\u201d<\/p>\n

When they finally reached their destination, it was to find Bobby bodily holding Kitty upright as she clutched Logan\u2019s prone form. There was blood staining Kitty\u2019s clothes, and Ororo explained that they\u2019d been attacked but had managed to destroy the drone and the Sentinels it carried before it could report back. She looked at Rogue, who was standing half-hidden behind the Professor, and gave her a warm smile: \u201cI am so glad to see you again, Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Strangely tongue-tied, Rogue only managed a nod. They kept calling her Marie and she wondered what they\u2019d think if she told them that Marie was lost, if they\u2019d mourn her. But before she could form any words, her eyes were drawn to Logan when he made a sound full of pain. Of course she\u2019d seen him the moment they stepped off the jet, but he\u2019d simply looked as if he was sleeping then. <\/p>\n

\u201cIs he in pain?\u201d she asked, worry taking precedence over all other emotions. Instinctively she took a few steps towards him, wanting to touch him, to make sure he was warm and alive. It was the first time she\u2019d wanted to reach out to anyone since she\u2019d been taken, and she almost screamed in frustration when Storm held her back. But in captivity Rogue had learned acceptance, so she acquiesced and remained where she was. It helped that Logan was quiet again.<\/p>\n

It was the Professor who finally answered her question, rolling up beside her and laying a comforting hand on her arm: \u201cYou know Logan can take a lot - but he is<\/em> experiencing everything his younger body is going through back in the past. Pain can disrupt the connection, especially if Kitty isn\u2019t strong enough to keep him under.\u201d He sounded calm, but deadly serious. \u201cWhich is why I would ask you to take over before her strength is gone. It might be our only chance, Marie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kitty was half-slumped forward, resting in Bobby\u2019s arms, but Rogue focused on the familiar lines of Logan\u2019s face. They might be able to fix this, to make sure the Sentinels would never be built - would never use her own powers in order to kill her fellow mutants. It would mean she\u2019d never be captured, never be tortured. It would also mean she wouldn\u2019t get to kiss Logan, wouldn\u2019t get to hear him say that he loved her. Rogue hesitated. She had held on to Logan all through her captivity, should she let go now?<\/p>\n

\u201cAlright, show me what to do.\u201d It was Marie who stepped forward, who made the only decision she could. The tension around them dissipated, and Bobby moved to the side, nodding at her gratefully as she prepared to absorb Kitty\u2019s powers. It was crucial that there be no interruption, that Logan was kept under and in the past without disturbance. But Marie wasn\u2019t worried. She had learned how to endure more than most could imagine, she could handle this.<\/p>\n

Determined she laid one bare hand on Kitty\u2019s neck, the other on Logan\u2019s cheek. She could feel his stubble under her palm and almost smiled at the familiar sensation. Then power rushed through her and everything went dark for a moment. When she opened her eyes, Bobby was carrying Kitty away and she had both her hands on Logan, feeling the connection strong and steady. She was holding Logan\u2019s consciousness under, felt it stretch from here to\u2026somewhere. Sometime<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Across Logan\u2019s body the Professor smiled at her, relief and pride mingling in his gaze. On the edge of her awareness she realised that the others were also smiling, and through the haze of Kitty\u2019s powers Marie managed to smile back.<\/p>\n

Hours passed, maybe even days, and she kept a hold on Logan, both in the present and the past - until time ran out. And as their friends died and the world exploded around them, Marie leaned down and brushed her lips across Logan\u2019s clammy forehead before whispering: \u201cLogan, listen to me. You\u2019ll make it - and when you do, promise me we\u2019ll be together again. Just\u2026 promise.\u201d<\/p>\n

She swore she could see the vein in his temple twitch in response and relaxed, reassured. He\u2019d never let her down, not when it counted, and she had to trust he wouldn\u2019t now either. The noise around them grew thunderous, waves of burning heat washing over them as the Sentinels closed in. The end was here, one way or another.<\/p>\n

\u201cI love you,\u201d was the last thing she said before shrapnel buried itself in Rogue\u2019s body, but Marie simply closed her eyes and held on. She\u2019d always been good at that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

AU from Days of Future Past (original timeline). Inspired by Rogue\u2019s dropped storyline: Originally, she had been captured by the Sentinels because of her powers and had to be rescued by Xavier and Magneto in order to absorb Kitty\u2019s powers and help keep Logan under (i.e. she would have saved the day).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[188,61],"tags":[295,297,307],"series":[],"class_list":["post-844","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-roguewolverine","category-x-men-movie","tag-audience-teen","tag-genre-het","tag-warning-au"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/844","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=844"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/844\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=844"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=844"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=844"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=844"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}