{"id":889,"date":"2014-11-17T23:26:11","date_gmt":"2014-11-17T21:26:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pr0nandchocolate.net\/shirasade\/?p=889"},"modified":"2014-11-17T23:26:11","modified_gmt":"2014-11-17T21:26:11","slug":"coming-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/coming-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Coming Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author's Note:<\/strong> Lloyd Neck is a sweet, gentle short film<\/a> (only 16 minutes, so give it a go!) that gave me happy feels and surprised me by making me want to explore some of the subtext between Jesse and Taylor. Except then things got kind of smutty, in an '18-years-old boys making out' kind of way. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

When he started to suspect that he might prefer boys to girls, Taylor was the first person Jesse told, not Sam who, as his girlfriend, probably should have been the first to know. <\/p>\n

He justified it with Jesse being the only out gay friend he had, that he needed an outside perspective before confronting what this meant for his relationship with Sam. Jesse was fully aware that this was a sorry excuse, that in reality he was simply scared, not ready yet to look into Sam\u2019s eyes and tell her that it was over - and over because her boyfriend would rather be kissing boys than her. <\/p>\n

It was much easier to tell Taylor, who\u2019d been out as long as they\u2019d known each other and who Jesse suspected had a bit of a crush on him anyway. That was the only reason he hesitated at all when they were hanging out after school that day, not wanting to get Taylor\u2019s hopes up. They were in Jesse\u2019s room, because as always he had to look after Alex while their mom was at work, Jesse stretched out on the bed, Taylor on the beanbag. After talking for a bit about their upcoming graduation, however, Jesse gathered his courage and blurted out: \u201cI think I have to break up with Sam.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was staring at the ceiling while he said this, but he could feel Taylor\u2019s eyes on him as the other boy replied: \u201cUm. Okay. And why\u2019s that? You seemed so happy the other day, when I took your pictures.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSeemed<\/em> being the operative word,\u201d Jesse chuckled dryly, remembering all too clearly how wrong he\u2019d felt kissing and holding Sam like that when he was spending way too much time thinking about boys - at school, on the street, in his sister\u2019s Tiger Beat<\/em> magazine. \u201cI\u2026 I don\u2019t know how to say this, so I\u2019m just going to say it: I think I\u2019m gay. At first I thought it was just a, a phase, but it\u2019s been a while now, and it won\u2019t go away. So you see why I have to break up with Sam.\u201d<\/p>\n

While he was speaking he could feel Taylor looking at him, and he didn\u2019t have to look over to know that his friend was listening attentively and without judging. It was one of his favorite things about Taylor, the way he was with people, making them feel comfortable and at ease, unlike Jesse, who too often managed to ruffle feathers by blurting out the wrong thing or sounding harsh and defensive. When Taylor finally spoke, he sounded calm and understanding, just as Jesse had known he would: \u201cWell, yes, of course. I can\u2019t say I ever suspected - but I\u2019m glad you told me. And, Jesse, you know I\u2019m here for you, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I know.\u201d Just as Jesse was about to turn to face him, Taylor\u2019s read head appeared in his field of vision even as the bed dipped under his weight. He sat down gingerly, not touching Jesse, but resting a hand next to his shoulder, radiating a warmth Jesse found strangely reassuring. He only realized he was smiling when Taylor\u2019s expressive face also lit up.<\/p>\n

For a moment they stayed like this, just looking at each other and smiling, then Taylor ducked his head and broke their eye contact, a light flush coloring his cheeks: \u201cI do feel a bit sorry for Sam, she\u2019s nice. But you\u2019re right, of course, it wouldn\u2019t be fair - and she deserves the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Jesse replied, half under his breath because the idea of telling Sam was still rather intimidating. \u201cI guess I just wish I didn\u2019t have to hurt her. Like, if I\u2019d realized it earlier, like you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Taylor looked at him again and grinned: \u201cWell, even I got tricked into a round of spin-the-bottle once in junior high. Remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jesse laughed, the memory of Taylor\u2019s bright red face at that birthday party clear in his mind, but petered off when a thought struck him: \u201cWas that really your one and only kiss from a girl? You didn\u2019t have to kiss a guy to know that you preferred them?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I didn\u2019t. My mom always says I was born knowing. I didn\u2019t kiss my first boy until, I think, three years after that Amy planted one on me.\u201d Taylor\u2019s voice changed, sounding curious and maybe just a bit hurt as he asked: \u201cWhy? Did you<\/em> find out by kissing a guy?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNah, I was just wondering,\u201d Jesse quickly shook his head. After years in the same class, casual acquaintances at best, they\u2019d grown really close in this last year of high-school, and Jesse didn\u2019t want Taylor to think he\u2019d been keeping something so big from him. \u201cI must say, though, I\u2019m kind of curious. Man, I hope I won\u2019t mess up when I finally get the chance - I think I\u2019d die if he somehow realized I\u2019d never done it before!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, you\u2019ll be fine - it\u2019s not that different from kissing a girl. Or so I\u2019ve been told.\u201d Amusement danced over Taylor\u2019s face, and he moved slightly to bump Jesse\u2019s hip with his own, making Jesse shift restlessly on the bed, suddenly too aware of how close they were. Obviously noticing this, Taylor\u2019s eyes narrowed in thought, then he ducked his head, the way he always did when trying to appear unaffected, and offered a bit shyly: \u201cYou could always practice on me, I guess. If you\u2019d like.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jesse knew he was staring, although he supposed a part of him must have known where this was going when he breached the subject of kissing, and Taylor blushed, the red bright on his pale skin. But he\u2019d lifted his gaze again and was now fixing Jesse with a determinedly neutral stare. Suddenly all Jesse could see were the lips he\u2019d never before paid particular attention to, their curve, the way they were slightly parted. Just then Taylor\u2019s tongue slid out and swiped over them quickly, leaving them moist and glistening. Before he quite realized it, Jesse was sitting up and pressing his mouth to Taylor\u2019s, nodding and mumbling as he did so: \u201cYeah, yeah, okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was rushed and clumsy, and Jesse was just about to break away, frantically thinking he\u2019d never be able to live this down, would never be able to look at Taylor again. But then Taylor\u2019s hands were cupping Jesse\u2019s face, half-holding, half-stroking it, calming, gentling, and suddenly they were kissing, properly kissing, and Jesse wrapped both arms arms around his friend. It was not all that different from kissing Sam, from kissing a girl, Taylor\u2019s skin smooth against his own, no stubble because Taylor didn\u2019t have a lot of hair anywhere except on his head, something Jesse knew because they\u2019d been talking about it, about the hassle of Jesse having to shave fucking everywhere before a race. And Jesse had no idea why he was thinking of this now, when Taylor\u2019s tongue was asking, no, demanding, entrance to his mouth, and he figured maybe it was because really, deep down, this was nothing like kissing a girl at all.<\/p>\n

He heard a soft noise, almost a sigh, and realized it was his own voice, but it got lost in the depth of Taylor\u2019s mouth, the slick slide of tongues, the pressure of long artist\u2019s fingers against his neck, in his hair. He was hard, just from kissing, something that hadn\u2019t happened with a girl in what felt like forever, and he could feel Taylor\u2019s dick pressing against his thigh, not all the way hard yet but getting there, which made him feel better, more as if they were on the same page somehow, and he pushed closer, feeling courageous. Except then Taylor angled his head and their foreheads bumped painfully, making them both first swear and then laugh.<\/p>\n

For a moment Jesse thought that this was it, the moment lost, and readied himself to scoot away and smile nonchalantly, maybe say thanks. The disappointed reluctance at this thought surprised him, and maybe Taylor could read that on his face or maybe he hadn\u2019t felt the change in mood, because he stopped grinning, eyes darkening, and pushed Jesse onto his back, straddling his hips in one smooth movement. His hands remained splayed against Jesse\u2019s chest, and they just looked at each other for a moment before Jesse surged up and grabbed Taylor\u2019s head, fingers curling in short hair. <\/p>\n

They skipped the awkward bit of the kiss this time, sliding right back into a rhythm their hips took up, until they were rocking back and forth and having to break the stroke of tongue and lips for short gasps and small groans. Taylor was holding himself up with one arm, his free fingers tangled in Jesse\u2019s hair, grazing his ear and cheek. Sighing, Jesse rested one hand on the place where Taylor\u2019s back became ass, an almost straight line, no soft curve, and he was thinking of maybe sliding his fingers up beneath Taylor\u2019s t-shirt, to the flat planes beneath where before there had always been breasts, peaky or rounded, but always breasts. <\/p>\n

Before he could make up his mind, however, Taylor lifted his head, just a bit, close enough Jesse could still feel his breath gust over his face but breaking their kiss, and stared down at Jesse unblinkingly, pupils huge, something like awe on his face. The silence made Jesse realize that they hadn\u2019t said a word since the kiss had started, since he<\/em> had started the kiss, and then Taylor\u2019s voice came, low, rough and raspy in a way Jesse had never heard before: \u201cFuck, Jesse, just look at you\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Without warning Jesse\u2019s eyes slid shut and he could feel himself buck upwards, his whole body straining towards the heat that was Taylor as he came. His fingers dug into Taylor\u2019s hips until Taylor gripped his wrists and pinned them against the bed, over Jesse\u2019s head, and Jesse, normally the stronger of the two, couldn\u2019t do anything except gasp and shudder. His incoherent sounds were swallowed by Taylor in what was a mostly one-sided kiss, Jesse unable to do more than vaguely move his slack, open mouth against Taylor\u2019s, who drank his noises and panting breaths hungrily.<\/p>\n

It was a long while before Jesse even noticed the sticky wetness in his jeans, the discomfort of his softening dick under Taylor\u2019s weight, having lost himself again in the taste of Taylor\u2019s lips, the gentle movements of their tongues as he regained his faculties bit by bit. His mind was spinning, thoughts starting to crowd in, but he pushed them back long enough to twist his arms from Taylor\u2019s loose grasp and roll them over, grinning widely into his friend\u2019s surprised face: \u201cYour turn\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

With this he pushed down, to where he could feel Taylor\u2019s cock, still hard, and slid a hand between their bodies, quickly, to stop himself from thinking about it. Taylor\u2019s eyes widened, and Jesse focused on this, on the blush staining his cheeks and creeping down his neck, on the small moan that escaped as he leaned down to re-claim Taylor\u2019s mouth, exploring its newly-familiar landscape from this new angle. <\/p>\n

All the while his hand was pressing against Taylor\u2019s erection through the denim, moulding his palm along its hard line and imagining it was his own, figuring it couldn\u2019t be all that different. Taylor slung one leg over Jesse, rocking upwards, and Jesse had to focus on the way Taylor\u2019s hand was digging into his shoulder in order to keep his thoughts from straying into territory he was most certainly not ready for. Luckily it didn\u2019t take long before Taylor buried his face against Jesse\u2019s neck, his breath hot and moist on Jesse\u2019s skin, and he came with a shout, holding on tightly until the shocks subsided. Jesse held himself as still as possible, suddenly feeling claustrophobic, trapped, although he could easily have freed himself from Taylor\u2019s embrace.<\/p>\n

Instead he waited until the arms and leg Taylor had wrapped around him loosened their hold of their own accord and Taylor let his head fall back onto the pillow. Only then did he sit up, wincing at the mess in his jeans and wiping a hand over his mouth, unable to stop his eyes from darting nervously around the room. There was no sound from Taylor, and when Jesse finally managed to look at his friend, Taylor appeared calm, remarkably collected for someone who had just come in his pants. Meeting Jesse\u2019s eyes and reading the question Jesse couldn\u2019t bring himself to ask, Taylor shrugged and pushed himself off Jesse\u2019s bed: \u201cDon\u2019t worry, I know you don\u2019t feel that way about me.\u201d<\/p>\n

He got up and rested a hand on Jesse\u2019s shoulder for just a moment before making his way to the door. Already pushing down the handle, Taylor looked back one more time and smiled, his real smile, the one Jesse knew was just for him, full of fondness and wishes: \u201cReally, Jesse, it\u2019s all good. And hey, this totally beat spin-the-bottle with Amy!\u201d<\/p>\n

With this Taylor left, calling out a goodbye to Alex, whose presence Jesse had completely forgotten and who only by complete chance hadn\u2019t interrupted them. The thought shocked Jesse into moving, and he hurriedly grabbed a change of clothes and darted into the bathroom. Having undressed, his gaze fell on himself in the mirror and he froze, staring at his flushed face, kiss-swollen lips, messy hair and the red mark Taylor had, probably inadvertently, left on his neck when he came. <\/p>\n

Jesse watched as his fingers came up to trace the mark gently, then he quickly tore his eyes away and stepped into the shower, determinedly not looking down to where the traces of what had happened were sticky and cool on his skin. He had known he was gay before telling Taylor, but now - well, now, there was no doubt about it. He would have to thank his friend for being so cool about it all, especially since, despite his words, he was probably a bit disappointed that Jesse wasn\u2019t in love with him. Which he wasn\u2019t, even if he imagined he could still taste Taylor on his lips.<\/p>\n

Closing his eyes, Jesse turned his face into the water and let it wash away the traces of what had happened. The ones on the outside, at least. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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