{"id":941,"date":"2015-04-04T23:01:28","date_gmt":"2015-04-04T21:01:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pr0nandchocolate.net\/shirasade\/?p=941"},"modified":"2015-04-04T23:01:28","modified_gmt":"2015-04-04T21:01:28","slug":"no-longer-pretend-to-have-my-hand-on-the-wheel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/no-longer-pretend-to-have-my-hand-on-the-wheel\/","title":{"rendered":"No Longer Pretend (To Have My Hand on the Wheel)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author's Note:<\/strong> Title from Savage Garden\u2019s \u201cChained to You\u201d. Because the working title of this was \u201cSteve in chains\u201d. <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

When Steve came to, he immediately knew what had happened.<\/p>\n

\u201cBucky?\u201d he called into the darkness while carefully testing the chains that bound him to a pillar. The Winter Soldier knew his stuff, however, and Steve was unsurprised to realize he was unable to get free or move much at all. He was kneeling on the concrete floor, his arms bent so far back that it was almost impossible to get any sort of leverage, and his head was throbbing from the impact of a metal fist. Sighing, Steve shifted, trying to settle himself a bit more comfortably while he waited for his captor to return. Waited for Bucky.<\/p>\n

It gave him plenty of time to consider how he\u2019d ended up in his current predicament. He\u2019d been chasing leads all over the world for several months, only interrupted by the occasional fight against aliens, super-villains or Hydra, but it had quickly become obvious that his long-lost friend did not want to be found. <\/p>\n

And then there\u2019d been the latest attack from a self-styled Master of the Universe, Steve right in the thick of it, trying to subdue the villain while fending off several of his minions. Finally, an opening, and the guy had gone down with a satisfying thud. Catching the shield in mid-flight, Steve had lept across the chasm between two buildings separating him from his fallen opponent, only to have to dodge an unexpected shot from a goon popping up behind his master\u2019s unconscious form. For a moment Steve had been dangling from the ledge, an easy target, all too aware he was a second away from catching a bullet, but it never came. When he\u2019d pulled himself up, landing in a crouch behind his shield, the shooter had been face-down, felled by a clean head-shot.<\/p>\n

\u201cSam, that you?\u201d Steve had yelled into his comms, already knowing the answer before Sam\u2019s negative reply, Falcon being well out of range on the other side of the Denver city block that had been the battleground. Without hesitating to think about it, Steve had turned away from his original target and raced towards the perch where he knew the saving shot had originated. Unsurprisingly the high-rise window had been deserted, but Steve had noticed a door at the far end of the hallway swinging gently shut and gave chase. His heart was thudding heavily in his chest, much harder than warranted by the minor exertion of the battle, and he\u2019d come to a stop in the empty staircase, unable to refrain from calling out: \u201cBuck, I know it\u2019s you. Come\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

He hadn\u2019t gotten any further, because that had been when the Winter Soldier had dropped from the ceiling and everything went black. <\/p>\n

Really, Steve should have expected this. Despite being one of the best snipers Steve had ever seen, Bucky had never been one for hiding. However, it was at least an hour before he finally came to see his prisoner, Steve\u2019s internal clock told him, although he of course didn\u2019t know how long he\u2019d been unconscious before that, the windowless room giving no indication as to time of day. Enough time had passed for the concussion Bucky had given him to start healing, leaving a dull ache and vague feeling of nausea. Still, the slice of bright light briefly cutting through the darkness when the door opened was a sharp pain behind his eyes, and Steve was almost grateful when Bucky closed it again, despite his desperate wish to see the face that had been haunting his dreams since the day on the train, only more so after that day on the bridge.<\/p>\n

He felt more than saw the stiff figure leaning against the wall, barely more than an outline, eyes heavy on Steve, his silence somehow resonating loudly. Steve\u2019s mouth was dry, and he had to cough and wet cracked lips before managing to ask, quietly: \u201cWhat do you think you\u2019re doing, Bucky?\u201d<\/p>\n

The voice that replied was both heartrendingly familiar and hollow, as if it was fighting its way through from a far distance: \u201cI\u2019m not Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes died in 1945. You\u2026 you are my mission.\u201d<\/p>\n

Although he knew he shouldn\u2019t, Steve felt as if he\u2019d been struck, but his reply came out steady and full of heart-deep conviction: \u201cYou don\u2019t believe that. If you did, I\u2019d be dead already. You saved me on that roof; you had my back, same as always.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2026 I\u2026 I don\u2019t know who I am anymore.\u201d Bucky\u2019s voice was shaking, weak, almost wistful, and Steve could clearly feel Bucky\u2019s desperate struggle to make sense of it all during the ensuing silence. He ached with the desire to reach out, but all he could do was lean a few inches forward, his arms screaming in pain as he twisted them as far as the chains allowed. If he hadn\u2019t, maybe he wouldn\u2019t have been able to make out the whispered breath: \u201cBut I know you<\/em>.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYes. Yes, you do. You know me better than anyone. And I know you. I don\u2019t care what they did, how they scrambled your brain, you are<\/em> Bucky Barnes,\u201d Steve said, fervent like a prayer, as if his faith could transfer to Bucky. \u201cYou do whatever you have to, Buck, take as long as you need, I don\u2019t care. Just\u2026 believe in me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another deafening silence greeted his words, but Steve stopped himself from saying anything more, aware he\u2019d already pushed things as it was. The last thing he wanted was for Bucky to bolt again. He seemed to have gotten it right, however, because the next sound was a shaky exhale, the crunch of steel-toed boots on concrete, and then a bottle of water was pushed against his lips. <\/p>\n

After choking at first, Steve managed to swallow, the cool liquid wonderfully refreshing, but not as invigorating as Bucky\u2019s proximity, his fingertips brushing the side of Steve\u2019s face as he let him drink. It was the first time Bucky had touched him that didn\u2019t involve pain, and without thinking Steve moved his head, resting his forehead against a strong thigh. He could feel the muscles twitch through denim at the contact, but Bucky did not move away for a long moment, remaining stock-still, and Steve barely dared to breathe.<\/p>\n

Then metal fingers dug into his hair, matted with dirt and sweat as it was, forcing Steve\u2019s face upwards. Bucky\u2019s face was a pale oval in the darkness, his eyes boring into Steve\u2019s before he released his grip abruptly and stepped back. Steve willed him to say something, anything, but Bucky reached the door and was gone without another word, leaving Steve with nothing but a slightly burning scalp and the smallest bit of hope to keep him company.<\/p>\n

It was a long time before Bucky came back, and Steve managed some uneasy cat-naps, resting against the pillar as best he could. The moment the lock was turned, however, he was wide awake and blinked into the artificial light from outside. Before the door was closed, however, he quickly asked: \u201cHey Buck. Any chance of leaving this open? I\u2019m starting to feel like a bat or a mole or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

He carefully didn\u2019t say how badly he wanted to see the other man more clearly, to see the changes the intervening decades had wrought. Decades! Even taking into account that he\u2019d spent a lot of them in cryo, during the years Bucky had lived through while Steve was sleeping dreamlessly, his best friend had been endlessly tortured, twisted, used and discarded\u2026 The thought caused white-hot anger to wash through Steve, accompanied by bitter guilt and a shredding pain that made his grief over Bucky\u2019s supposed death feel easy. He knew he had to tamp down those feelings, however, or risk overwhelming Bucky and pushing him away, so he settled for a carefully bland expression.<\/p>\n

It seemed to pay off, or maybe Bucky wanted to see him as well, because the door stayed open, and Steve quickly got used to the light. He let his eyes travel up from scuffed black boots over the jeans-clad thighs he\u2019d felt the last time, to a well-muscled torso broader than it had been in the War, forcing himself to really see the silver peeking out from where the grey hoodie Bucky wore had fallen open. It was the only visible sign of his missing arm, and Steve had to bite his tongue to keep himself from asking what it was like, how it felt, whether he was in pain. <\/p>\n

Instead he looked further up, to the dark shadow of stubble against almost sickly-pale skin surrounding a mouth that used to smile so easily but was now drawn in a tight line, the unwashed dark hair, cut shorter now than it had ever been, exposing his skull, making him look strangely vulnerable. And finally, Steve found Bucky\u2019s eyes, still the same shade of blue, but flat, without the spark he remembered so well. <\/p>\n

Still, they were open, alive, and unblinkingly fixed on Steve, and Steve couldn\u2019t help but smile as a weight he\u2019d been carrying ever since the train finally lifted completely. They still had a long way to go, and it was likely nothing would ever be the same, but for the first time since he woke up Steve no longer felt alone, incomplete. It made him feel almost light-headed, triumphant, especially since emptiness disappeared from Bucky\u2019s features as he studied Steve\u2019s reaction in obvious confusion. <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t understand you,\u201d Bucky said, his voice raspy with disuse. Steve stayed still, hoping his eyes said more than words could, and indeed, Bucky pushed himself away from the wall he\u2019d been leaning against and took a couple of hesitant steps forward. His hand once again came to rest on Steve\u2019s head, and Steve unthinkingly leaned into the touch, ignoring the sharp pain of fingers digging into his scalp as he twisted his neck so he could keep looking at Bucky. Gone was the dead expression, instead a host of emotions flitted across the familiar face - confusion, rage, but most of all something like wonder as he kept studying Steve. He sounded almost hopeless when he repeated: \u201cI don\u2019t understand you. But you\u2019re mine<\/em>, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

The truth in those words, although he had never explicitly thought of it quite like that, almost undid Steve, and it was all he could do to keep tears from springing to his eyes. Mutely he nodded, not trusting his voice, and Bucky\u2019s fingers moved over his head in what was almost a caress until he was cradling Steve\u2019s face in his palm. Steve\u2019s eyes slid shut involuntarily, and he took a deep, shaky breath, willing the moment to last forever. But of course it didn\u2019t, Bucky pulling away so quickly that Steve would have fallen forward if it hadn\u2019t been for his chains. Then the door swung shut, and Steve was left in the darkness, breathing hard, shoulders aching, his heart pounding as if he\u2019d just gone three rounds with Natasha. <\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t all that long, however, before Bucky returned, looking almost embarrassed offering Steve a bottle, saying quietly: \u201cYou must be thirsty. I will bring you food later.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, I appreciate it,\u201d Steve replied before tilting his head and drinking, grateful for so much more than the water. When he\u2019d finished, he once more gently pushed his head into Bucky\u2019s palm and asked: \u201cAny chance you\u2019ll untie me, Bucky? You gotta know I\u2019m not going to leave.\u201d He met Bucky\u2019s troubled eyes and repeated intently: \u201cI\u2019ll never leave you again.\u201d<\/p>\n

He wanted, needed, Bucky to believe him, but there was still too much doubt in his captor\u2019s face, so Steve wasn\u2019t surprised when his reply was a shake of Bucky\u2019s head, even as gloved fingers traced Steve\u2019s jaw line in what was almost a caress. At least he sounded genuinely apologetic: \u201cNo, I can\u2019t. Not yet. Steve\u2026\u201d <\/p>\n

He trailed off, when an involuntary sound escaped Steve, halfway between a gasp and a sob, and for a moment Steve feared he\u2019d scared Bucky off again. Instead, for the first time Bucky crouched down until he was on Steve\u2019s level, and Steve knew he could see the tears Steve was trying to hold back. He inquired, voice raw, tentative: \u201cSteve, are you alright? What did I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

Steve shook his head quickly, urgently, ignoring the huskiness in his voice: \u201cNothing! You did nothing wrong, I\u2019m fine. It\u2019s stupid, but it\u2019s just\u2026 you said my name.\u201d The violence of his own reaction had caught Steve by surprise, too, but there was no denying it, and he didn\u2019t bother trying, even as he got more choked up every second Bucky was looking at him with that softness, his hand gripping Steve\u2019s shoulder almost painfully. \u201cI guess I never really thought I\u2019d hear that again.\u201d<\/p>\n

The moment between them stretched, and Steve held his breath, not sure what he was hoping for but hurt nevertheless when Bucky pulled back abruptly, the shutters behind his eyes closing, erasing all trace of emotion. Steve\u2019s only consolation was that he did not withdraw his hand, and instinctively Steve lowered his head and rested it against Bucky\u2019s arm, closing his eyes and making himself as small and unthreatening as possible, while maintaining the physical connection. <\/p>\n

Bucky held himself completely still, and Steve could almost hear him think. Then his other hand, the metal one, came up and gripped Steve\u2019s hair roughly, pulling his head back so hard his eyes watered. He didn\u2019t protest, simply allowed himself to be manhandled, only looking up for a moment before lowering his gaze again. He could still feel Bucky\u2019s stormy eyes resting heavily on him, though, and then a gloved thumb slid over his lip and pushed into his mouth. <\/p>\n

Surprised, Steve inhaled shakily around the intrusion, but it only lasted a second before Bucky took a step back and backed out of the room. Alone in the dark again, Steve tried to compose himself, but all he could focus on was the taste of leather and the small harsh sound Bucky had made before leaving. He was also half-hard in his pants and realized with a start that this shocked him much less than he would have expected.<\/p>\n

He\u2019d never consciously thought about Bucky in a sexual way, but they\u2019d shared rooms often enough for personal boundaries to become blurred, if not erased. Steve\u2019s first daytime erection had happened while Bucky was giving him a sponge bath after his fever had broken one winter, and his friend had just raised an amused eyebrow and welcomed Steve to manhood. As they grew older, Steve had enjoyed watching dames - women - well enough, but seeing Bucky work the dance floor had given him equal pleasure, and he\u2019d spent more time sketching Bucky than pretty much anyone else except maybe his mom.<\/p>\n

Steve had never seen a problem with people loving whoever they wanted to, and there\u2019d never been any doubt in his mind that Steve Rogers loved James Buchanan Barnes. So while he waited in the darkness that was becoming so familiar, Steve found it relatively easy to adapt his perspective on how<\/em> he loved Bucky. It really wasn\u2019t much of a change, the only problem being that he had no idea how Bucky would react to it, although he had been the one who\u2019d touched Steve in a way that felt so intimate. <\/p>\n

Sighing and shifting in a mostly futile attempt to find a more comfortable position, Steve figured he\u2019d just continue doing what he\u2019d been doing ever since he\u2019d woken up in chains, namely follow Bucky\u2019s lead and his own instincts. A strategy that so far seemed to be working, because every time his captor came by, Steve felt less like he was in the presence of the Winter Soldier. <\/p>\n

He felt it again when Bucky returned, this time bringing the promised food, for which Steve was grateful. He did not speak, so Steve didn\u2019t either, but he once more crouched down next to Steve, so close that Steve could feel the heat radiating from his body, and he fed Steve a sandwich. In the back of his mind, Steve was grateful for the food, his metabolism requiring regular sustenance, and warmed because the sandwich was ham and cheese, an old favorite, but mostly he was focused on the sensation of Bucky\u2019s fingers. <\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t wearing gloves this time, and with every bite Steve could feel the slightest brush of skin against his lips. His eyes slid shut and his entire perception seemed to narrow to his mouth, to the act of chewing, swallowing and opening again to allow Bucky to carefully feed him another bite, the tiny point of contact feeling disproportionally large and sending a tingling of pleasure through Steve\u2019s body. <\/p>\n

When two sandwiches had disappeared this way, much too quickly, Steve just caught himself before actually whining in protest, muzzily opening his eyes to look at Bucky, who was staring at him in fascinated contemplation, his pupils so wide it made his eyes appear almost black. Then, before Steve regained enough of his faculties to decide on a course of action, Bucky\u2019s hand was back, cradling his chin, and without thinking Steve\u2019s mouth fell open to allow the intrusion of a thumb. <\/p>\n

The digit explored Steve\u2019s mouth thoroughly, and Steve slowly slid his tongue around it, caressing it, his eyes never leaving Bucky\u2019s in an attempt to divine whether this was taking things too far. Bucky\u2019s attention, however, seemed captivated, and Steve carefully leaned forward as far as he could, ignoring the protest of his shoulders. It was just far enough for him to be able to slide his head along Bucky\u2019s cheek, and Steve felt slightly ridiculous, like an overgrown cat. <\/p>\n

His embarrassment disappeared instantly when Bucky started and, instead of pulling away, grabbed Steve by the hair with his prosthetic hand. He got to his feet in one smooth motion, sliding his thumb out of Steve\u2019s mouth and quickly opening his zipper. Steve stared at Bucky\u2019s steady sniper\u2019s fingers trembling slightly as he took out his half-hard cock, and for a moment Steve\u2019s world turned white except for the sensation of Bucky\u2019s finger twisting in his hair. It felt almost like having a really bad asthma attack, except Steve was so aroused he feared he might burst out of his uniform pants.<\/p>\n

When Bucky roughly pushed his erection into Steve\u2019s mouth, Steve wasn\u2019t ready and coughed, choking, but Bucky just rocked his hips forward. Steve quickly relaxed his mouth, careful to keep his teeth out of the way, which took up most of his mental capacities. For a moment his brain tried to continue processing what was happening, but it was overwhelmed by the feel and taste of Bucky on his tongue. <\/p>\n

Steve had never done anything with another man, and not much more with women, but just the thought of being able to be so close to Bucky, to give him pleasure, was enough motivation. He didn\u2019t have the chance to try anything resembling technique since Bucky kept a tight grip on his head, in complete control of the speed and rhythm of his thrusts. Steve choked a couple more times, but Bucky always pulled back before it became too much, and an upwards glance through his lashes allowed Steve to meet his gaze, transfixed on the place where his cock disappeared into Steve\u2019s mouth. It was a beautiful sight, and, along with the small sighs escaping him, was enough that Steve almost came as well when Bucky\u2019s semen filled his mouth.<\/p>\n

He swallowed quickly, but some spilled out, and this Bucky wiped away with a gentleness that stood in complete contrast with the rough way he\u2019d just handled Steve. His face was blank, however, and Steve tried to think of the right words, but found none through the haze of his own arousal. Dropping his hand from Steve\u2019s face, Bucky backed away abruptly and left, darkness once again enveloping Steve. With a sigh, he leant back against the column, suddenly too exhausted to even attempt to process what had just happened. <\/p>\n

Luckily, before Steve could convince himself that he\u2019d somehow managed to mess everything up, Bucky returned, much quicker than he ever had before. He was carrying a pack of what turned out to be wet wipes and, kneeling down, began to wordlessly clean Steve\u2019s face, grubby not just from the blow job. It felt wonderful to be clean, but not half as good as the quiet look of concentration on Bucky\u2019s face and the soft touch of calloused fingertips against his skin. <\/p>\n

Steve couldn\u2019t suppress a small sound of contentment and froze, afraid to break this fragile gentleness between them. However, although he stopped his ministrations, Bucky didn\u2019t move away, and his voice was hoarse in Steve\u2019s ear: \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Steve, I didn\u2019t mean to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking up, Steve\u2019s eyes locked on Bucky\u2019s, willing him not to look away as he tried to express the thoughts that had been going around his mind since their last encounter: \u201cNothing to be sorry for. It\u2019s like you said, Buck - I\u2019m yours<\/em>, there\u2019s nothing you can do that\u2019s going to scare me away.\u201d Aware he was blushing to the roots of his hair, he averted his eyes and continued quickly: \u201cAnd, in case you didn\u2019t notice, I didn\u2019t exactly put up a fight. Fuck Bucky, I liked<\/em> it!\u201d<\/p>\n

A soft snort made him look back up. The look on Bucky\u2019s face was a strange mix of wonder and amusement, but when he spoke he sounded so much like the man Steve remembered it made his heart ache: \u201cLanguage, Rogers. You kiss your mom with that mouth?\u201d<\/p>\n

A strangled laugh escaped Steve as he shot back: \u201cI\u2019d rather kiss you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment he feared that he\u2019d gone too far, but then Bucky\u2019s mouth was on his and all doubts disappeared, at least for the length of time that the kiss lasted, which could have been minutes or hours. Steve lost himself in the feel of Bucky\u2019s slightly chapped lips, the slick warmth of his tongue, the way he tasted slightly of coffee and the small sounds he made, way back in his throat. He had one hand on Steve\u2019s shoulder, thumb tracing the skin just above his collar, the other one once again twisting in his hair, metal fingers digging into his scalp. Shivers ran down Steve\u2019s spine and he suspected he might be developing a Pavlovian response to having his hair pulled. Not that he cared one bit, his whole body straining towards Bucky, frustrated by the chains that stopped him from touching him back.<\/p>\n

The kiss wasn\u2019t tender or sweet, and a small voice in the back of Steve\u2019s mind whispered that the Winter Soldier probably had forgotten what kindness felt like, but it was hard to care when Bucky seemed to lay claim to him with every slide of lips and tongues. Then nimble fingers slid down Steve\u2019s chest, and Steve exhaled a curse into Bucky\u2019s mouth when his straining erection was cupped through the fabric of his combat pants. <\/p>\n

\u201cPlease,\u201d he managed to gasp, and begging seemed to be the right course of action, because he could feel Bucky grin, followed by the sound of a zipper opening and strong fingers wrapping themselves around his dick. Steve had to break away from their ongoing kiss, resting his head against Bucky\u2019s shoulder while he shuddered and pushed his hips into the touch. He felt an arm come to rest around his shoulder hesitatingly, holding him, albeit uncertain and uncomfortable, and bittersweet joy at this gesture mixed into the hot pleasure of the just-right twists with which Bucky was jerking him off efficiently.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t last long, couldn\u2019t, and Bucky gripped his chin tightly, forcing Steve\u2019s face upwards and staring at him with unblinking eyes while Steve fell apart. When he regained his faculties, Steve blushed, suddenly embarrassed. But then he remembered who it was who\u2019d just seen him like this, had given him this, and he stiffened his posture and met Bucky\u2019s bemused gaze head on. After a moment he even managed a smile, which was returned by a small softening of Bucky\u2019s features and the cool sensation of a wet wipe cleaning him up before he was tugged back into his pants. Steve figured the gentleness in this gesture was more than good enough for him, and he said quietly: \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

His gratitude seemed to deeply confuse Bucky, but only for a moment before his face became blank, all emotions locked away, and Steve\u2019s mind shied away from wondering what exactly had been done to his best friend. He was still feeling too open and raw to deal with the anguish and rage, so instead he gave Bucky another smile, hoping it said what he couldn\u2019t. He wasn\u2019t sure whether it was enough, whether he imagined the slight relaxation of Bucky\u2019s jaw, when Bucky got to his feet, obviously set on ignoring the bulge clearly visible through his jeans, and grabbed a water bottle from a bag next to the door. He wordlessly offered it to Steve who drank gratefully, then rested his hand against Steve\u2019s cheek for just a moment, his eyes thoughtful. When he spoke, his voice was gruff: \u201cI still don\u2019t understand who I\u2019m supposed to be or what you want from me, Steve Rogers. But you\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

The possessive words left Steve smiling into the dark for a long while after Bucky had left as quickly as always. They gave him the courage to take the initiative for the first time when Bucky returned, although he was careful to keep his voice neutral, not too hopeful: \u201cIs there anything you want to know, Bucky? Any details I can explain, help clarify?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bucky hesitated, but only for a moment before he approached Steve and offered him another sandwich, which Steve accepted gratefully. He seemed lost in his own head, feeding Steve absent-mindedly, and Steve told himself to be patient, that it was silly to miss an intimacy he\u2019d never really known before. This was all about meeting Bucky on his own terms, after all. He\u2019d stay here, chained and on his knees in the dark, forever, if that was what Bucky needed, even if a small voice in the back of Steve\u2019s mind asked how healthy this was and what people would think if they saw him, saw Captain America<\/em> like this. The thought made him furious, and he almost missed it when Bucky finally spoke. <\/p>\n

\u201cThey fucked me up, and you can\u2019t fix me, Steve. Nothing can,\u201d he stated so matter-of-factly that it just about broke Steve\u2019s heart. But the next moment he felt hope spring up, because Bucky dropped to his knees and took out a key. He opened Steve\u2019s shackles without another word and then stepped back while Steve collapsed against the column, blood rushing painfully into limbs that had been restrained for days. His voice was as dark was his eyes: \u201cI don\u2019t remember - and a part of me is glad, because it means I also don\u2019t remember the things I did for them<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was so much loathing in that one word, the hair in the back of Steve\u2019s neck stood up, because he could tell at least part of it was directed at Bucky himself. It made him force himself onto his feet, ignoring the stabbing pains in his joints, although he still had to lean back for support. He said quietly: \u201cBut you remember me<\/em>. And you just let me go. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment he feared Bucky would bolt again, but he remained where he was, so utterly still it was unsettling. Finally, he replied uncertainly: \u201cBecause you\u2019re mine. And I\u2026 I\u2019m yours. Aren\u2019t I?\u201d<\/p>\n

The bittersweet ache that started deep in Steve\u2019s belly had nothing to do with his long confinement, although his legs protested as he slowly crossed the distance to where Bucky was hovering. Lifting a still-weakened hand, Steve carefully laid it against Bucky\u2019s cheek, feeling the muscle twitch beneath his touch. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched and inhaled deeply: \u201cYes, Bucky. I\u2019m yours and you\u2019re mine, and we\u2019ve got each other, no matter what. \u2018Til the end of the line, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bucky\u2019s lips caught his in a clumsy, desperate kiss, and when they broke apart they were both breathing hard. Heat pooled in Steve\u2019s belly when he realized he was free to actually touch Bucky now, nothing holding him back except Bucky\u2019s boundaries. Of which there doubtlessly would be many, but now they had the chance to cross them together. <\/p>\n

Carefully Steve slid a hand underneath Bucky\u2019s shirt, feeling skin hot beneath his fingertips, circling nipples that tightened at his touch. Bucky let out a small growl and pushed his hips into Steve, who licked his way into Bucky\u2019s mouth while sliding his other hand downwards. He fumbled with the zipper, but then Bucky\u2019s cock was in his fist, hard and hot, and Steve swallowed a moan. He rubbed his thumb over the head, precum easing the slide, and Bucky broke their kiss to breathe hot and wet against Steve\u2019s neck for a moment. Then he began to explore every bit of exposed skin he could reach, and Steve\u2019s movements faltered. He wished the marks Bucky was undoubtedly leaving would stay, but all thought left his mind when Bucky slid his right hand into the back of Steve\u2019s pants. <\/p>\n

Anal sex was not something Steve had ever really considered, but suddenly he knew with absolute clarity that he wanted Bucky there, inside him with more than a dry finger. Not this time, though, this time he was more than happy to settle for Bucky palming his erection, providing Steve with just the right amount of friction to get him off. Bucky followed only moments later, spilling over Steve\u2019s fist and making a mess of both their clothes.<\/p>\n

They leaned against one another, and Bucky caught Steve\u2019s lips in another kiss, so deep and passionate it made Steve\u2019s cock already take notice again. But Steve ignored it, too aware of the mess in his pants and the need for a shower. It was enough to know that there would be a next time. Except that Bucky was stepping away, his whole posture changing, hunching in on himself as if trying to make himself smaller. His face was a careful mask, but Steve could hear tension in his empty voice: \u201cThanks for this, Steve. But you\u2019re free, you can go now.\u201d<\/p>\n

White-hot rage shot through Steve, and the only reason he didn\u2019t slam Bucky into a wall was that keeping himself in check was second nature. But he did grab Bucky by the shoulders, the first time he initiated contact, and laid a hard kiss on Bucky\u2019s unresponsive lips. Sighing in frustration, Steve moved away but didn\u2019t let go. He hardly recognized his own voice as he ground out through clenched teeth: \u201cGod help me, Bucky Barnes, your skull is obviously still as thick as ever! Don\u2019t you get it - you\u2019re mine. Mine<\/em>. I don\u2019t ever want to go, unless you tell me to.\u201d<\/p>\n

All of a sudden, all tension left Bucky\u2019s body and he almost collapsed into Steve\u2019s embrace. Bucky\u2019s hum of agreement was barely more than a vibration against Steve\u2019s mouth, and he opened it to let Bucky in. He might no longer be in chains, but Steve was bound nonetheless. He just hadn\u2019t known it before. <\/p>\n

Metal fingers buried themselves in his hair, and he shivered, feeling Bucky\u2019s lips curve into a smile.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Author's Note: Title from Savage Garden\u2019s \u201cChained to You\u201d. Because the working title of this was \u201cSteve in chains\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[24,50],"tags":[293,299],"series":[],"class_list":["post-941","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mcu","category-steve-rogersbucky-barnes","tag-audience-adult","tag-genre-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/941","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=941"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/941\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=941"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=941"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=941"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=941"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}