{"id":946,"date":"2015-04-14T17:42:39","date_gmt":"2015-04-14T15:42:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pr0nandchocolate.net\/shirasade\/?p=946"},"modified":"2015-04-14T17:42:39","modified_gmt":"2015-04-14T15:42:39","slug":"the-old-familiar-places","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/the-old-familiar-places\/","title":{"rendered":"The Old Familiar Places"},"content":{"rendered":"

Author's Note:<\/strong> Bucky POV. Follows the MCU timeline<\/a>. The rating's unfortunately not for sexy times but for the implied bad stuff that happens to Bucky.
\nTitle from Billie Holiday's \"I'll be Seeing You.\" <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

1935<\/em>
\nWhen Bucky says that he doesn\u2019t mind looking after Steve when he\u2019s sick again, it\u2019s nothing but the truth. Mrs. Rogers has to go and work the late shift at the hospital, so after school\u2019s out, Bucky grabs Steve\u2019s homework and usually goes straight to his tiny flat. <\/p>\n

He only stops by Mario\u2019s Deli, because Antonia, who\u2019s a couple of years older but already working in her father\u2019s shop, has a soft spot for him, which Bucky is not ashamed to exploit when it means extra milk for Steve, or maybe an apple or even an asthma cigarette. The last costs him a kiss or two, because Antonia has to steal it from her nonna<\/em>, but he doesn\u2019t mind. Antonia is pretty and nice, and he actually likes that she always tastes a bit like Italian coffee, much stronger than the Eight O\u2019Clock Coffee Bucky\u2019s parents drink. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not like they\u2019re dating. Although he\u2019s at least Catholic, Antonia will never be allowed to go out with an Irish boy, which suits Bucky just fine, truth be told. He tries to avoid complications and never takes out the same girl more than once or twice. He treats them well, twirls them over the dance floor until they\u2019re both breathless and laughing, but then he extricates himself and goes back to Steve, who\u2019s usually sitting in a corner with a sketch pad if he by the doorman at all. Bucky\u2019s a bit young for the dance halls himself, but Steve looks even younger than his age, which makes Bucky\u2019s efforts to find him dates even more difficult. When Steve\u2019s well enough to go out at all, they end up at Coney Island more often than not, and if pressed Bucky would have to admit that the look of delight on Steve\u2019s face when they ride the ferris wheel makes him feel just as warm as dancing with a pretty girl. <\/p>\n

But Bucky knows better than to let anyone suspect this, so he keeps his mouth shut and tries not to think too much about it. He can\u2019t stop himself from looking, though, and it makes him feel guilty, especially when Steve is sick. Bucky really, really shouldn\u2019t get even the slightest thrill of seeing the expanse of white skin, albeit unavoidably marred by blue-green bruises, the slightly twisted, knobbly line of his spine, the way the fever gives his cheeks color and makes his eyes shine over-bright. Yet there it is, an ugly truth that Bucky tries to make up for by being extra-careful when he sponges Steve down, heating the water on the stove so it\u2019s as pleasant as possible. <\/p>\n

He figures the only reason Steve even lets him wash him is because it\u2019s less embarrassing than having his mom do it. The same goes for patching up after fights, because Bucky knows Steve can face just about anything except the look in Sarah Rogers\u2019 eyes when he\u2019s injured. She\u2019s proud of him, of the man he\u2019s becoming, but she\u2019s also his mother who wants to keep her baby safely wrapped in a cocoon. And hell, Bucky sure knows exactly how she feels, has to fight to keep his overprotectiveness to a reasonable level every time Steve decides another bully needs taking on. <\/p>\n

Actually, as long as Bucky is there<\/em>, by Steve\u2019s side, it\u2019s mostly alright. Bucky hates bullies almost as much as Steve, always has, although admittedly it became a much more personal issue the moment he met Steve Rogers. Something in the defiant set of Steve\u2019s jaw, the way he kept getting up, undaunted, spoke to Bucky, made him not only want to join in the fight but also do his best to keep that scrappy boy safe. It\u2019s become something like his mission in life, and few things get him more riled up than when Steve seems to think Bucky would be better off somewhere else.<\/p>\n

Steve, even at his most sick, coughing so hard that panic rises in Bucky\u2019s throat like bile, is still Bucky\u2019s very favorite person in the world. And when he\u2019s well, at least by Steve\u2019s standards, he shines so brightly Bucky sometimes thinks he\u2019ll go blind, like staring into the sun. He\u2019s so smart, smarter even than Bucky, who\u2019s always found school easy, and so damn talented, with his drawings and the way he manages to inspire people with his passion for, well, everything<\/em>. <\/p>\n

Bucky has already determined to get Steve to art school, even if it means he might not be able to go himself. He naturally hasn\u2019t told Steve about this, preferring to listen to Steve\u2019s imaginations of them sharing a flat while both going to college in the City. It\u2019s a lovely dream, especially the bit about being roommates, and in his more optimistic moments Bucky allows himself to hope that it will come true. At some point some girl is bound to wise up and see Steve for the amazing guy he is, but until then Bucky will stick as close to Steve as Steve will let him.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

1941<\/em>
\nWhen Bucky joins up, he and Steve get into their biggest row ever, because Bucky makes the mistake of telling Steve he\u2019s glad he got rejected. Steve doesn\u2019t speak to him for three days, and Bucky mopes around his parents\u2019 place until his mom kicks him out with the strict instruction to make things right with Steve. She\u2019s right, of course, there\u2019s so little time left until boot camp, so Bucky swallows his pride and looks for Steve, at first in the room he\u2019s been letting ever since his mom died, and then in all their usual places.<\/p>\n

He finds him at the foot of the Bridge, sketching furiously, angry tears glittering in his eyes, and Bucky realizes he\u2019s drawing a couple of soldiers out for an evening stroll with their dames. Bucky approaches carefully, but the moment he sees him, Steve jumps up and pulls him into a hug that leaves Bucky breathless despite the lack of strength in Steve\u2019s spindly arms. He allows himself a moment of sheer relief before slapping Steve on the back jovially and offering to help him train for his next visit to the recruitment office. After all, the army will never take him, and this way Bucky gets to spend his remaining time with Steve being happy, filled with purpose, not sullen and angry.<\/p>\n

Still, it doesn\u2019t make saying goodbye any easier. They haven\u2019t been apart for more than a couple of days basically since the day they met in that alley, and Bucky makes Steve promise to write to him. It\u2019s a promise Steve faithfully keeps, his letters always filled with news from the neighborhood. He also sends drawings, of people and places, some of which Bucky shows to his fellow recruits and some which he keeps to himself because they\u2019re filled with memories he doesn\u2019t want to share. He doesn\u2019t write back half as often, but when he does he tells Steve all about the guys in his squad and the grueling training they\u2019re put through. <\/p>\n

Turns out he\u2019s actually good at this soldiering thing, the COs commending his good aim and cool head under pressure. They don\u2019t know that it\u2019s easy to stay calm after a lifetime of making sure one Steven Grant Rogers doesn\u2019t go charging in without backup. But sniper training makes time go by quicker, and before he knows it, boot camp is over and Bucky is headed home before shipping out for the first time. <\/p>\n

Seeing Steve again feels like a revelation, any idea Bucky might have entertained that his feelings for his best friend had cooled, changed into something more appropriate, less likely to cost him their friendship and land him in jail, go right out of the window. Steve is beaming with pride and has a million questions about life in the army, and Bucky will put up with hours of this if it puts Steve right next to him. However, he does get angry when he finds out that Steve has tried to sign up not once but three times already. Sometimes Bucky wishes Steve wasn\u2019t so damn idealistic, so convinced of doing the right thing, no matter the cost to himself. But it\u2019s not like he expected anything else, with the news coming in from Europe being what it is.<\/p>\n

What he didn\u2019t expect is to find himself sitting next to Steve at the river, legs dangling over the edge like a million times before, and for Steve to lace their fingers together. His eyes are fixed on the sight of their hands, and his voice is low, but there\u2019s no fear in it when he asks Bucky to please be careful and come back alive. The sensation of Steve\u2019s slim artist\u2019s fingers sends sparks through Bucky\u2019s body, and he has to swallow, feeling suddenly light-headed, before he can give Steve his promise. He\u2019s not sure what this means, but neither one of them releases their grip for quite a long time.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

1943<\/em>
\nUnsurprisingly Bucky hated North Africa, there\u2019d been too much sand and too much shooting, but he positively despises the Italian Alps. They\u2019re getting shot at all the time, and Bucky feels in way over his head. No matter how many enemy soldiers he kills, it\u2019s never enough to protect all his men, and he\u2019s genuinely scared that they\u2019ll all be killed. Dum Dum Dugan, a fellow NCO, tells him roughly that he\u2019s still doing his job just fine, but Bucky has never quite understood how he ended up with a battle-field commission in the first place and then become a proper Sergeant. In his mind, he\u2019s still just scrappy Bucky Barnes from Brooklyn, the guy who\u2019d mostly joined up because of the light in the eyes of another scrappy Brooklyn kid.<\/p>\n

Steve is still writing to him, but the mail only gets through to them occasionally, so most days Bucky has to be content with re-reading old news and tracing familiar drawings with his fingers. He\u2019d made Steve make him a sketch of the two of them together before his last deployment, and he carries it in his breast pocket at all times. It\u2019s a quick affair, more of a caricature, really, but when he looks at it Bucky can almost imagine himself back home, sprawled on Steve\u2019s narrow cot while Steve scribbled furiously, his tongue poking out in concentration. His guys think he\u2019s got a girl back home, and Bucky doesn\u2019t disabuse them of the notion. He needs this, needs to know Steve is still there, safe from all the dirt and horror. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s the first thing HYDRA takes from him after they\u2019re captured. They take everything else, too, of course, but it\u2019s the sketch Bucky mourns most as they\u2019re put into cages. He has no idea what\u2019s going to happen, this outfit appears to be something entirely different from regular Nazis, so he keeps his eyes open. There\u2019s a couple of colored G.I.s in their cell, and for a while Bucky\u2019s afraid they\u2019re going to get picked because of some racial Nazi shit. Of course in the end he\u2019s the one taken by the guards, and for the first time thinking of Steve isn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n

Later he tries his best to forget what they do to him, the men in the white coats with their syringes and their knives and strange rays that have him writhing and screaming in pain until he blacks out. Only when he comes to he\u2019s still strapped to that table, the cycle repeating itself over and over, until his body begins feeling as if it\u2019s not quite his own anymore. And then Steve appears, his face floating into Bucky\u2019s field of vision like an angel from heaven, except grimier. And real. <\/p>\n

No matter how unlikely, Steve is real<\/em>, a fact Bucky keeps repeating to himself. Bigger and stronger, and with no business being here in this hellhole in Austria, but his arms are around Bucky, and his urgent voice in Bucky\u2019s ear is unmistakable. And Bucky pulls together the frayed edges of himself and stumbles through the wreckage of the HYDRA base. They meet Schmidt and that horrible little man, Zola, and Bucky can feel the horror rising in his throat, but then they\u2019re gone, and there\u2019s fire everywhere. <\/p>\n

In the back of his mind, Bucky is surprised by his own ability to walk, talk and even run, like he\u2019s a real person and not the broken thing on that table, but Steve\u2019s next to him and the only thing that counts is that they make it out. Which they do, even if it becomes blindingly clear to Bucky how much dumb luck Steve\u2019s had, since he\u2019d apparently charged in all by himself. Some things apparently haven\u2019t changed at all, and Bucky vows to read Steve the riot act just as soon as there\u2019s time. First, however, Bucky finds Dum Dum, Gabe Jones and the British guy who\u2019d been in the cage with them, and together they organize something like a retreat.<\/p>\n

Somehow Bucky manages to remain upright and moving the rest of the day, and he determinedly doesn\u2019t consider how unlikely that is, until Steve calls for a halt and everyone tries to find shelter for the night. There\u2019s not a lot of food to be had, but Falsworth triumphantly appears with a few cans of beans, and Steve sits down so close that Bucky can feel the heat radiating from that strange new body of his, almost hotter than the small fire they\u2019ve built. Of course he has questions, but for now Bucky just scoots a tiny bit closer, until their thighs touch, and for the first time in forever Bucky feels like he can breathe again.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

1945<\/em>
\nBucky still hates Europe. He has to admit, however, that Paris is quite nice, now that it\u2019s no longer German. They\u2019ve more than earned their furlough in the French capital, and the Howling Commandos have mostly taken over a small pension right on the Ile St. Louis in the city center. Their hosts, a couple of elderly ladies, looked rather wary at first, but Dernier and Gabe engaged them in polite conversation, and when Steve joined in with his careful French, they were soon thoroughly charmed. <\/p>\n

Not that Bucky can blame them. He himself speaks Italian better than French, but he enjoys the way the vowels roll off Steve\u2019s tongue, although he does his best not to let on. He\u2019s hiding a lot of things these days, and it\u2019s clear that Steve knows it but doesn\u2019t want to push him. But how is Bucky supposed to tell him about his nightmares, made worse because they don\u2019t even wait until he\u2019s sleeping to envelop him, or about the strange changes in his body, when his own mind keeps shying away in panic from even thinking of what happened in that lab? <\/p>\n

Confessing the way he feels about Steve, the way he\u2019s been feeling for as long as he can remember, should be easy in comparison, and during their separation, shivering in his foxhole with nothing but Steve\u2019s drawings for company, Bucky had more or less decided to just come out and say it when (if) he saw him again. Except now Steve\u2019s looks finally match the way he\u2019s always been on the inside, big and strong and beautiful, and there\u2019s Peggy Carter, who\u2019s everything Steve deserves and who Bucky tries his best not to resent. Because Bucky\u2019s a mess whose world only feels right when he\u2019s out in the field with the Commandos, because at least there his role is clear and simple. <\/p>\n

However, Paris isn\u2019t too bad either, the matter-of-fact way Steve tells Bucky that they\u2019re sharing warming Bucky more than it probably should. During the day Steve drags Bucky to fancy-pants art museums, their treasures brought out from hiding. Not that he has to twist Bucky\u2019s arm all that hard - Bucky likes art and he likes spending time with Steve even more. In the evenings they usually meet the guys for dinner somewhere and discuss which part of Paris to hit that night for drinking and dancing. Of course Bucky doesn\u2019t tell anyone that liquor doesn\u2019t really do it for him anymore, but twirling pretty French girls over the floor is still fun, as is watching the way Steve fidgets whenever he\u2019s approached, which is all the time. <\/p>\n

Bucky himself is getting enough action, too. They all are, their uniforms doing most of the work, but Bucky finds he has no wish to do anything about it. That is until, on their third night out, he realizes that one pair of eyes watching him with intent belongs to a rather pretty boy. He\u2019s young, probably only 18 or 19, but his pouty lips are stretched into a knowing grin, and Bucky finds himself blushing and drifting closer, almost against his will. He\u2019s done some stuff with other soldiers, but that was all very much in the spirit of helping one another out when there weren\u2019t any dames available. This, however, is different, and before he can stop himself, Bucky follows the boy outside. He knows it\u2019s a mad risk to take, but Marcel\u2019s hips are slim under his hands, and then his mouth, tasting of strong cigarettes, is soft against his lips, and Bucky allows himself to stop thinking for just a bit. Which is of course when Steve interrupts them.<\/p>\n

Bucky\u2019s not completely stupid, they\u2019re in an alley a bit away from the club, so Steve must have been actively looking for him. His voice is shaky, but Bucky\u2019s mind is whirling around too much to figure out the meaning behind it. He stumbles backwards, away from Marcel who shrugs and disappears into the night with a half-defiant smile, and for a long moment Bucky is tempted to follow him. Not for any hanky-panky, that mood is well and truly broken, only not to have to face Steve. Except that Bucky Barnes has never backed away from a challenge, so he meets Steve\u2019s eye head-on.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s struck dumb by what he sees, but then laughter bubbles up from somewhere he\u2019d feared lost in death and pain, and suddenly everything is easy. His back hits the alley wall, and for a moment the strangest thing is that he has to look up<\/em> in order to kiss Steve and be kissed by him. Then the world rights itself, and Bucky can finally explore Steve\u2019s new body, feeling greedy for every bit of him. The fact that Steve seems to be just as hungry is intoxicating in a way booze no longer is.<\/p>\n

In the morning they talk quietly, curled up together in Steve\u2019s bed, finally sated, and it\u2019s like an itch Bucky wasn\u2019t even aware of is gone, soothed by Steve\u2019s touch and the warmth in his eyes. The fact that the serum has done wonders not just for Steve\u2019s physique but also his stamina certainly doesn\u2019t hurt either. They laugh a lot, and Steve is wonderfully curious, making Bucky curse all the years they wasted, although at the same time he\u2019s just so grateful that they\u2019ve finally found their way to this place. <\/p>\n

They should probably get up, but Steve is right there, like Bucky\u2019s own personal dream come true. Bucky seriously considers starting something again, suspecting that Steve probably wouldn\u2019t put up more than a token protest. Unfortunately, right then an army messenger comes knocking, forcing them apart, although the annoyance in Steve\u2019s face is rather gratifying. The message from Col. Phillips tells them that furlough\u2019s been cancelled, because there\u2019s intel on Arnim Zola\u2019s location. <\/p>\n

Fury mixed with fear laces through Bucky, but he shrugs it off, aware of Steve\u2019s worried eyes on him. There\u2019s no question that the Howling Commandos will go after the HYDRA scientist, and Bucky will be where he's always been, where he belongs. At Steve\u2019s side, \u2018til the end of the line.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bucky Barnes, 1935-1945.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[24,50],"tags":[295,299],"series":[],"class_list":["post-946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mcu","category-steve-rogersbucky-barnes","tag-audience-teen","tag-genre-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/946","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=946"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/946\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=946"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=946"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=946"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shirasade.net\/fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=946"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}