Apart from You: Separation (Pippin)

Note: Haven't written any FPS in ages, thought it was time to try it again... Just a vignette, but I'll probably write Merry's POV one of these days.
Beta: My thanks go to Khylea.


They had never really been separated before.

Pippin had never been so aware of that fact as now, with Merry miles and miles away, a war between them. It had always been MerryandPippin, or 'that irresponsible Brandybuck and that fool of a Took', but always them. Never just Pippin, not for a long time, not since he was old enough to move around the Shire as he wanted.

And now that he was on his own, Pippin missed Merry desperately.

It had never been a conscious decision of either of them, as far as Pippin knew. Their closeness had simply happened, had come as natural as breathing to them both. They suited each other well, both always ready to laugh and pull crazy stunts, with Merry making sure that they did not overstep the boundaries of what was acceptable and what would have gotten them into serious trouble.

It had been the perfect match, as far as Pippin was concerned. If he looked back it seemed to him that one day he had been the annoying little boy trailing behind his admired older cousin, and the next they had run across the fields together, inseparable.

Until now, that was. Now they were very much separated, and, as usual, it had all been Pippin's fault.

Pippin sighed heavily and looked gloomily out over the city of Gondor, to the horizon that hid Merry from his view. This time not even Merry had managed to get him out of the trouble he had gotten himself into, and look what it had brought him? Trapped in a city preparing for a desperate siege, surrounded by tall men in armour -- and Merry far, far away from him.

During their journey Pippin had already seen many strange things, things no hobbit -- except maybe Bilbo Baggins -- had ever dreamed of seeing. But he had never been alone, because there had always been Merry, whose presence had made even the most dreadful things bearable.

Had he ever told Merry what his friendship meant to him? That there was no better thing than to enjoy a pipe, an ale, and some apples after a day of running around, sitting in that spot above Brandyhall that nobody seemed to know, overlooking the meadows and fields, with the river glistening in the distance. That whenever he saw something new, be it mundane or exciting, his first impulse was to turn around and share it with Merry, to see him smile at him with shining eyes. That a hug from Merry calmed Pippin's worst fears and made him feel secure and loved, no matter how sad or angry he had been only moments before. That he couldn't image living without Merry around him, that he wanted nothing more than make him laugh for the rest of their lives. That there would be nothing better than wake up next to Merry's warm body every morning until the day he died...

Pippin swallowed as he realized where his thoughts had led him. It had not been the first time he had found himself thinking of Merry not just as his best friend, but as more -- his soulmate, his lover, his love. But until now he had always thought that there would be a better opportunity to let Merry know about his feelings, a more convenient time. Later, later, he had thought and swallowed his emotions, never saying a word.

Maybe now there wouldn't be a later. Maybe he would never get the chance to tell Merry all of this, maybe one or both of them would die in this horrible war, and Merry would never know Pippin's heart, because Pippin had missed his chance.

Decidedly Pippin blinked away the tears that had found their way into his eyes somehow. No need to give up hope, he told himself. He would survive, Merry would survive -- and when they saw each other again, Pippin would tell Merry everything. He would make sure that Merry knew that Pippin loved him more than anything, and then everything would be alright.

He only needed to survive, and Merry would be with him again -- for the rest of their lives if Pippin had any say in the matter. Looking out over the city, the small figure of Peregrin the Perian set his shoulders, hands gripping his sword.

He would survive being without Merry.

~~~

Apart from You 2/3: Absence - Merry

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