the touching of imperfect souls

Author's Note: For Morgan, for the Jalec Gift Exchange 2017, for the following prompt (which I simply couldn't resist, I love this book so much!):
Something inspired by this fragment of "Maurice" by E.M. Forster: 'I have shared with Alec,' he said after deep thought. 'Shared what?' 'All I have. Which includes my body.'

I hope you enjoy! <3

***

Jace hadn't meant to kiss Alec.

Of course, he also hadn't meant to die only to be raised by the Angel or to be bound to Sebastian by the Lady of Edom, and he figured that for most people being subjected to angelic and demonic interventions would rank higher on the scale of impossible things than a simple kiss. Except that there was nothing simple about it; years of shared history, the Law they'd both sworn to uphold, the existence of other people in their lives, in their hearts, even if technically they were both single, all hanging over them like Damocles' sword, poised to destroy everything they held dear.

Yet Jace couldn't stop himself from tasting Alec's lips, seeking them out again and again, and despite the pained sob that had escaped his parabatai when their mouths collided for the first time, Alec's fingers were digging into the small of his back as he crushed their bodies together. They drank each other in, thirsty for more than physical contact, and between them their bond burned, brighter and hotter than it ever had.

They'd almost lost each other, and Jace's stomach hurt just thinking of the dark months of their separation, of the look in Alec's eyes whenever Jace had done something cruel, often purposefully hurtful because he had resented the hold Alec had had on his former self. He'd been similarly mean to Clary, and it had broken them, so how could Alec forgive him when Jace felt nausea well up remembering the hateful insults he'd hurled at his parabatai, worse than any physical blows he'd landed?

Yet after everything Alec had still found Jace on the roof of the Institute, staring into the night as he tried to forget Sebastian's… no, Jonathan's dying moments. When he'd sensed Alec's approach, it had felt as if his heart expanded in his chest with relief, his parabatai's presence setting the world to rights again. Looking back, he had no idea how any demonic bond could have made him believe that he was better off without this, when he could almost hear his soul sing with joy at being complete again.

Kissing Alec had been almost an afterthought, a spur-of-the-moment impulse, but now it filled his senses, his entire world, and Jace didn't want it to be over.

It had to end, however, and finally they came up for air, chests heaving and hearts beating as if they'd just fought a battle. Exhaling deeply, Jace let his forehead rest against Alec's collarbone, and a soft sigh brushed against his ear as Alec loosened the hold his arms had around Jace's middle. He didn't let go completely, at least, and they remained wrapped in an embrace, neither one of them knowing quite how to break the silence that had settled over them.

When it was about to become uncomfortable, Jace lifted his head and fixed his parabatai with a determined stare. He kept his voice soft, though, his words pitched low as if they weren't completely alone in a spot that had always served as sanctuary for them. "I'm not sorry, Alec."

Alec met his gaze with troubled eyes but couldn't hold back a wry snort. "Of course you're not. Although we could lose everything." It felt like a slap in the face, and Jace tried to pull away, only Alec wouldn't let him, tightening his hold with one arm and bringing his right hand up to cup Jace's face. Almost involuntarily Jace turned into the touch, feeling the callouses from years of wielding bow and blade. Alec's voice was rough, making Jace shiver. "But Jace, I already lost you, twice, and being without you was hell. Magnus was right to walk away - I'm not strong enough to say no to you, not now that I finally have you back. I'm yours in whatever way you'll have me." He dropped his eyes, sounding almost embarrassed as he added, "I've always been yours."

Warmth bubbled up in Jace's stomach, making him feel as if he was floating. Taking Alec's hand from his cheek, he pressed a kiss against the calloused palm, and Alec twitched and stared at him in wide-eyed awe. Jace broke into a wide grin, helpless against the tide of happiness filling him to overflowing. "Then I want all of you, because I'm not strong enough to deny myself this either - not anymore."

"Well then… I guess that means we're doing this," Alec stated, a smile like the sun transforming his features. This time he was the one who kissed Jace, in true Alec-fashion all hesitation gone now that he'd made his decision, and Jace realized with a start that he'd been holding back before. His parabatai kissed him with an intensity that was almost overwhelming, his lips coaxing Jace's mouth open demandingly, tongue delving in deep, devouring him like a starving man. Heat curled in Jace's stomach as he responded with equal fervor, wrapped both arms around Alec's neck and pushed his body greedily against hard muscle, while Alec's hands travelled down his back and pulled him even closer.

Their movements became more aggressive, each of them challenging the other and neither one backing down, and Jace's back hit the parapet with a dull thud. He barely noticed the pain, pleasure flooding his senses, his focus entirely on all the places they were pressed together. Alec inserted a strong thigh between Jace's legs, and Jace growled into their kiss at the increased friction, cock straining against his zipper. He bit at Alec's lower lip, grinning when a noise that sounded suspiciously like a moan escaped his parabatai, only to groan himself when Alec slid his hands under his ass and hoisted him up.

Helplessly turned on by being manhandled, Jace wrapped his legs around Alec's waist, crossing his ankles behind his back and rolling his hips forward. Pleasure spiked through their bond, and they had to stop kissing in order to catch their breath. Still, Alec made no move to put Jace down, instead he began thrusting forward in small, controlled motions, sending hot sparks from Jace's groin all the way to his fingertips, which were digging sharply into his parabatai's broad shoulders.

Leaning forward, he buried his face against the invitingly presented neck, licking and sucking at the rune there, and a full-body shudder ran through Alec, hands tightening their hold reflexively, making Jace grin and redouble his efforts. He could feel Alec's hardness rubbing against his own with every thrust, and while Jace had never really considered sex with a guy before, now he couldn't wait to have Alec naked before him, explore what made his parabatai lose his formidable self-control. Catching Alec's earlobe with his teeth, he whispered hotly, "I bet you look gorgeous when you come."

Alec jerked and cursed, and Jace had to tighten his legs or risk being dropped, but luckily Alec recovered quickly, almost ramming Jace into the wall, driving the breath out of him as he claimed him in a rough, hungry kiss. When they broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other and breathing hard, Alec's eyes were dark with want. Jace shivered, feeling exposed, naked under their intense regard, and to break the moment he wormed a hand between their bodies and groped for Alec's zipper, feeling his stomach contract under his touch. Slipping shaking fingers inside his briefs, he leaned back a little, and they both peered into the dark space between their bodies to see Jace wrap his hand around Alec's cock.

It was smooth and hot in his grip, a few drops of precum pearling at the tip, and Jace slid his thumb over it, biting his lip in concentration as he tried to mimic what he liked to do to himself. Alec's forehead fell against his collarbone, his shoulders shaking with every shuddering breath he took, and Jace buried his free hand in the short, surprisingly soft hair at the nape of Alec's neck. He could no longer see what he was doing, but Alec's soft moans, his fingers spasming against Jace's ass, his entire body going taut like a bowstring - it was more than enough to guide him. He wasted no time with teasing, his own body humming with arousal at being the one to coax these reactions from his parabatai, and it wasn't long before Alec stiffened and warned, "Jace, I…"

He'd lifted his head from its resting place against Jace's shoulder, and Jace's breath caught at the sight of Alec coming undone. He barely noticed the stickiness coating his hand and soiling both their clothes, too lost in his parabatai's eyes, glazed over with lust, and the heat that spread through their bond as Alec shook and panted against him. At some point Alec went slack, and Jace scrambled a bit as he was let go, only his finely honed reflexes preventing an inelegant tumble to the ground. Instead he dropped to his feet and pulled Alec into a tight hug that that was immediately reciprocated with a mumbled, "Sorry…"

"Don't worry about it, I got you…" Chuckling fondly, Jace pressed a kiss against Alec's temple, tasting sweat and the faint, clean bitterness of Alec's aftershave. His own arousal had abated somewhat, and he dimly realized that it was Alec's relaxation reaching him via their bond. Unless they consciously bocked their connection, they'd always been able to feel the other's strong emotions, including sexual excitement, which had led to some minorly embarrassing moments in their youth. However, Jace had never considered how intimate it felt to share in his partner's passion and feel it slowly ebb away and be replaced by lazy contentment.

However, when Alec twisted out of his embrace, jaw set determinedly, and dropped to his knees in one smooth motion, all trace of relaxation disappeared, fire burning through Jace's veins even before Alec freed his erection. Cool night air hit overheated skin, but then Alec's mouth closed over his cock, and Jace cursed, sliding trembling hands into black hair. Their eyes remained locked on one another while Alec began to take Jace apart with the same care and skill he displayed when maintaining his bow, his mouth sure and hot around Jace's flesh, one hand holding him in place, the other fondling his balls. It didn't take long and Jace's grip on Alec's head served to hold him upright almost as much as to keep his hands occupied. If it hurt, Alec didn't let on, and Jace quickly lost the ability to worry about being considerate, not when Alec was taking him in so deeply he could feel the head of his cock hit the back of Alec's throat with every suck. Pleasure spiked through him, and he dimly realized he was babbling with increasing desperation, "Please, yes, fuck, Alec!"

Instead of pulling off, Alec actually chuckled around the dick in his mouth, eyes dancing with challenge, familiar from hours spent sparring, which was the last straw as far as Jace was concerned, and he came with one last jerk of his hips. Alec had to swallow rapidly, but the only signs of discomfort were fingers digging in so deep into the fleshy parts of Jace's thighs they would probably leave marks, something Jace realized with a pang of surprise he actually craved. He wanted Alec all over him.

So when he managed to catch his breath, he pulled Alec up and into a clumsy kiss, wanting, needing to be close to him. When they separated, Jace felt as if he'd just run a marathon, and he didn't have to check their bond to know that Alec's heart was racing in the same galloping rhythm. They rested their foreheads together, and Jace curled his hands in the collar of Alec's dark blue shirt, unable to keep a note of awe out of his voice: "That was… wow!"

Alec laughed softly, eyes so warm and gentle Jace couldn't help but kiss him again, hardly more than a press of lips and yet somehow their most intimate touch yet. Something very much like a giggle escaped Jace, suddenly giddy, and he said quietly, "Come downstairs and let me make love to you... properly."

"You mean in an actual bed?" Alec's grin was like a sunrise, and Jace didn't care one bit that he was turning into a giant sap. Not after all they'd been through. All that counted was the firm grip of Alec's hand in his as they made their way back into the Institute, only letting go when they reached the first camera.

Alec's room was closest, so that was where they ended up, locking the door and activating their Soundless runes without having to speak about it. The moment they put away their steles the air turned electric, and the feeling of Alec's hand carding through his hair made Jace's scalp tingle, a frisson of heat racing over his skin. Biting back a moan, Jace reached down and slid his hands under the hem of Alec's shirt, pulled it over his head in one swift motion. Laugh muffled by fabric, Alec wriggled out of it, flung it to the ground carelessly and rounded in on Jace, who in the meantime had torn off his jacket and t-shirt.

Then they were kissing, hands wandering restlessly over warm skin, and every place Alec touched lit Jace on fire, made him want to drown in his parabatai's presence, so familiar and yet brandnew. The backs of Jace's legs hit the bed, and they tumbled onto the mattress, a tangle of limbs, both of them doing their best to obliterate every last bit of space between them. Jace felt blanketed by Alec and bucked upwards, hardness meeting hardness, and they writhed and rolled, laughing and panting into each other's mouths, against sweat-slick skin. Their bond sang between them as if they were locked in battle, and Jace had never seen anything quite as beautiful as Alec's body flushed with happiness.

Neither one of them had bothered to do up their pants, and they didn't waste much time getting rid of the last items of clothing. Later Jace planned to take Alec apart slowly, caress each rune, discover each sensitive spot, but for now the need crackling between them like a live wire was too great. Their bodies slid together perfectly, Jace fitting into the cradle of Alec's legs, and Jace thanked the Angel for Alec's long arms, which enabled him to retrieve a small bottle of lube from the nightstand without having to leave Jace's embrace.

"You do me," Jace replied to the unspoken question in his parabatai's eyes. "You're the one who knows what he's doing."

They froze for a moment, the spectre of who Alec had learned from rising between them, but before things could become awkward, Jace shook his head decisively. "Our past is just that - past. And it's brought us here, hasn't it?"

"When did you become so wise?" Alec asked, eyes glistening treacherously, but he was grinning and pulling Jace into another kiss. They brushed their mouths together, feathery caresses that made Jace want to purr in contentment. Then one of Alec's big, capable hands slid down his back, and Jace hissed and arched into the press of a blunt finger tip parting his cheeks.

Chuckling, Alec flicked his tongue along the seem of Jace's lips, deepening their kiss while Jace could feel him fumble with the bottle of lube behind his back. A few drops of cool liquid hit his backside, and when Alec's finger found his opening again it was slick, pushing right in without hesitation. Taking a shuddering breath Jace dropped his forehead against Alec's neck, Alec's free arm wrapping around his shoulder comfortingly, his voice warm and worried in his ear: "Is this okay? We don't have to..."

"Oh no, we're doing this!" Shaking his head, Jace kissed his way along Alec's jaw, taking his earlobe between his teeth and pulling teasingly. He was rewarded with a hiss and a second finger, opening and stretching him gently, sending waves of pleasure through him. While Alec busied himself, Jace explored every bit of skin he could reach with curious lips and hands, teasing Alec's nipples into hard peaks and generally attempting not to start moving into Alec's touch too desperately. Alec himself was hard and leaking, too, and both of them stiffened with pleasure whenever their erections rubbed against each other between their stomachs. Finally, Alec inserted a third digit, and Jace threw his head back, cursing, "Fuck, yes, so good! C'mon, fuck me already, Alec…"

Alec tsked an admonishment into his ear, but he did pour some more lube over his hand as well as Jace's opening, and his fourth finger slipped in easily, making Jace feel full and stretched. A crook of Alec's fingers found a spot inside Jace that had him arch and rock backwards, wanting more. While he was still marveling over this new and wondrous sensation, Alec removed his hand, ignoring Jace's protest, and tightened his arm around Jace's waist. In one smooth motion he rolled them over, looking very pleased with himself and grinning at Jace's surprised gasp. "I figured you can be on top another time."

With typical efficiency he arranged Jace's limbs to his liking, and Jace let him, too overwhelmed with anticipation and some trepidation at the prospect of having Alec inside him, considering . Instead of fucking him immediately, however, Alec scooted back a little, pushing a pillow under Jace's ass before leaning down and placing a trail of teasing kisses over Jace's torso. He stopped at the parabatai rune, and Jace could have sworn their bond sparked and flared under the gentle pressure of Alec's lips, before moving sideways and licking a firm stripe over Jace's cock, which twitched and firmed up even more. Jace's balls were next, while Alec slid two slippery fingers over the smooth skin behind them, making sure he was still loose and open. Another swipe of tongue made Jace start to beg, impatient hands grabbing at Alec's hair, and he came up easily, meeting Jace's demanding lips in a kiss that made Jace almost forget about the pressure of a blunt cock against his opening.

Without warning Alec's hips snapped forward, and Jace groaned loudly into his parabatai's mouth as their bodies joined. If there was pain Jace didn't notice it, too lost in the feeling of Alec buried all the way inside him, even before he started thrusting slowly but forcefully, angling each push of his cock so it hit that spot inside of Jace, pleasure spreading from there outwards in ever stronger waves. Jace forced his eyes open, having not even realized that he'd shut them in ecstasy, and something hot and possessive unfurled inside him when he caught the look of sheer awe on Alec's face as he watched him intently, teeth digging into his plush lower lip. It made Jace want to kiss him again, and so he did, trying to convey some of the emotions that were threatening to overcome him.

Lust, wonder, shock, passion, excitement, and even a good dose of sadness that he hadn't let himself have this earlier, that he couldn't scream this from the rooftops now that he had - Jace felt it all, and it was exhilarating to know that these sensations were all his, not manipulated by anyone or anything except his own deep love for his parabatai. They'd always been bonded to one another, but this, their bodies connected as much as their souls, this was something Jace hadn't even known he'd been missing. Because he could, and because nothing had ever felt more right, he cradled Alec's face with both hands and whispered hoarsely, "I love you, parabatai."

And although he'd said these words many times before Alec's eyes widened, and without any warning his entire body stiffened, and he came, spilling himself inside Jace with a cry of his name that was all the answer Jace needed. He held Alec while he fell apart, awestruck at the force with which Alec fell apart, not holding back at all, secure in the knowledge that Jace could take it and that he was safe in his parabatai's arms. Afterwards they traded lazy kisses, Alec's softening erection slipping out of Jace's body, making them both wince.

Jace own cock was resting in a hard curve against his stomach, but like before some of the urgency had lessened with his parabatai's climax. Still, when Alec wrapped one hand around the hot length and slipped first two, then three fingers of the other back inside Jace, Jace knew he wouldn't last long. Not when Alec was smiling at him with eyes full of playfulness and love while taking him apart with an ease that made Jace wonder how amazing sex would be when they'd had time to actually learn their bodies. But then, hadn't they known one another inside and out for most of their lives? Maybe it really shouldn't have surprised him that their bodies recognized each other.

All thought fled Jace when fire raced through him like lightning, stoked by Alec's firm hands and the press of his lips against the soft skin inside Jace's thighs, and he tumbled over the edge in a flash of white that swallowed the whole world. The sound of his parabatai's voice gently whispering his name brought him back, followed by the warmth of a wet cloth wiping him down. His entire body melted bonelessly into the circle of Alec's arms, the length of his parabatai's body pressed against his back anchoring him back in the present.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, able to feel Alec's concern without even looking. He turned his head so he could meet Alec's gaze in reassurance, a sleepy smile on his face when his parabatai grinned, reassured, and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. He could feel his breath easily falling into sync with Alec's, and between one moment and the next they fell asleep, warm and safe and free from nightmares for the first time since Jace had died and come back to life.

***

It was barely dawn when Jace gently closed the door to Alec's room, intent on sneaking back to his own before the Institute woke. Alec was still out like a light, a sprawl of long limbs with a cute little snore that Jace planned on teasing him about forever, despite being completely charmed by it. Alec had grumbled sleepily when his parabatai slid out of bed, pressing one last kiss to his forehead and smoothing down tousled hair, but hadn't woken, and Jace couldn't stop smiling to himself. Which was why he didn't pay proper attention to where he was going and ran smack-dab into Izzy.

"Jace?" She was wearing workout gear and a puzzled expression. "What are you doing up? After what you've been through I figured you'd be dead to the world, and instead you're wandering around looking… disgustingly happy."

Jace felt himself flush, barely curbing in the urge to look back at the door behind which the reason for his smile slept, worn out from a night of love, and Izzy's eyes narrowed. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head, and he knew he was busted even before she asked in a low, serious voice, "You and Alec?! Jace, what are you doing?"

Taking her by the arm, Jace pulled her into an alcove, just to remain silent under her scrutiny for a long moment, before beginning to speak quietly, "Valentine, Sebastian - they used me, they took from me without asking. But, Iz, me and Alec… I shared my soul with him, all those years ago. And now… now I've shared everything else."

"Everything?" Izzy asked gently, no judgement coloring her voice, but he could tell she was worried about the consequences this could have for them.

Jace didn't hesitate, he simply nodded. "All that I am. And that includes my body." He shrugged easily, smiling with the sheer lightness and warmth he'd been carrying within himself ever since kissing Alec for the first time. "Because I know I'm safe with him. After everything, we've found something good, something perfect, no matter what the Clave says. It won't be easy, we're not stupid, but how can we go on pretending we don't know what it's like to be complete?"

Blinking back tears, Izzy nodded at him, full of understanding, and Jace kissed her cheek before turning back. They would worry about an excuse later, for now all he wanted was to lie back down with his head on his parabatai's chest and hear Alec's heart match his own, beat for beat.

"Love had caught him out of triviality and Maurice out of bewilderment in order that two imperfect souls might touch perfection."
― E.M. Forster, Maurice

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *.

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Page Reader Press Enter to Read Page Content Out Loud Press Enter to Pause or Restart Reading Page Content Out Loud Press Enter to Stop Reading Page Content Out Loud Screen Reader Support